[img]560|left|Nicholas D. Pollak||no_popup[/img]Have you ever wondered how we communicate?
I know. We consciously think of what we want to say, wind passes through our vocal chords, they vibrate and words come out.
We don’t all speak the same language (thank you, Tower of Babel).
But if you look, I mean really look, at people who don’t speak our language, the similarities in body language, expressions and intonations can lead us to actually understand what is being said.
Many years ago I was waiting to catch a connecting flight from Penang in Malaysia to Melbourne Australia. I was in the departure lounge for more than four hours.
How a Family Behaves
No one in that departure lounge spoke any English. A family was waiting for the same flight. I could see the frustrations of the parents as they tried to control their three little children, all under 7 years of age, in a large lounge filled with other waiting passengers.
The smiles, frowns and frustrations of parenthood as well as the very uninhibited behavior of the children were obvious.
To my amazement, I realized that we human beings are not different at all. Of equal interest were the reactions of the other passengers to the children’s antics.
Yes, we have different cultures. We wear different national costumes, eat different foods, have different governmental systems. But in the end, we all have the same basic needs. Food, shelter, rewarding work, financial security, the need to reproduce and the need for contact with other people.
A Path to Understanding
In this modern age, the Internet is beginning to break down the language barriers with the easy access to translation web sites and the availability of personal electronic translators.
We all learn communication from our primary caretakers, usually our mothers, but whomever the primary caretaker is, that person gives us our communication.
Our communication falls into two general categories:
“Physical” (Literal), “Emotional” (Inference).
The “Physical” takes information in literally.
The “Emotional” takes information in inferentially.
By the same token, the “Physical” speaks out in inference while the “Emotional” speaks out literally.
Does anyone see a pattern here?
Few of us are 100 percent one or the other. Generally, we are a mix of the two — as an example, 60 percent literal, which means we also have 40 percent inferential capability.
In general we have a tendency to stay with our dominant percentage. Still, we retain the ability to communicate with our sub-dominant percentage.
Showing How Opposites Attract
We know that opposites attract. So it is logical to say that the people we are going to communicate the most effectively with are those whose percentages are exactly opposite to ours. But with practice you can easily learn to communicate effectively with anyone of any percentage mix. It just takes a little time, patience and practice.
Try this simple exercise with a friend:
Ask your friend to turn around so his or her back is toward you. Ask the person to fall backwards. (Please, make sure that you can catch the person.)
One who takes in information literally will simply fall back into your arms. The person who takes in information inferentially will either look around first, to make sure you are there, or will take a step back to ensure against falling.
The literal person will just do because he or she was asked.
The inferential will wonder, how far back do I have to fall?
Which direction should I fall?
What is the weight ratio of me to the person catching me?
Can they hold my weight?
The person weighs all the variables before taking the action.
Once you learn to see what your dominant and sub-dominant communication is, and you begin to see the dominant and sub- dominant in others, you will, through practice, be able to communicate far more effectively than you have to date.
As your communication improves, watch how much more effective you become in your home, social and work life.
Sales calls become more productive.
Relationships become better.
Irate customers become easier to deal with. And there will be less arguing at home.
Happy communication.
A clinical hypnotherapist, handwriting analyst and certified master hypnotist, Nicholas D. Pollak may be contacted at nickpollak@hypnotherapy4you.net
