[img]958|left|||no_popup[/img] Dateline Boston — Can we talk about eyelashes? There seems to be a shortage these days. Not of eyelashes, per se, but eyelash length. And thickness. Apparently, women all over America are running around with inadequate, short, thin, and straight lashes. It seems to be a crisis.
I’ve been noticing mascara ads recently. Am I a homely woman if I couldn’t give a hoot about volumizing my lashes? Yes, that’s what I said—volumizing. That’s the word they use. Your lashes must have volume. What does that even mean? I’ll look it up on my computer dictionary:
Volume — Fullness or expansive thickness of something, esp. of a person’s hair.
Hair, not eyelashes. On TV I saw an ad for a mascara called, and I’m not kidding, Falsies. When I hear the word “falsies,” I am not thinking of eyelashes. This mascara promises to give you 300 percent thicker lashes. First of all, 300 percent thicker than what? Second of all, why would I want 300 percent of anything on such a delicate part of my face?
In One Word, Why?
I’ve never understood the appeal of full and thick lashes, real or otherwise. Women have been wearing false eyelashes for decades. I can’t imagine sticking those things on my eyes. How do they stay on, and how do they feel once you get them on?
I can hardly stand to put regular, non-volumizing, plain old black mascara on my eyes. I do it, every once in awhile, and I hate to admit that I like the way it looks. I used to look like Alex from “A Clockwork Orange,” till a friend told me she put mascara on her upper lashes only. I tried it, and it made all the difference. I still feel like I have spiders on my eyes, and my vision is a little blurry for a few seconds. Ah, the price of beauty.
Then, before you go to bed, you have to take it off. You put this greasy stuff on your eyes with a cotton pad until it comes off and spreads all over your cheekbones. It’s gross. Basically, I’ll take my short, blond eyelashes just the way they are. If anything is going to grow 300 percent, let it be my bank account.
Ms. Campbell may be contacted at snobbyblog@gmail.com
