[Editor’s Note: To honor the memory of her younger daughter, killed by a drunk driver 21 years ago this summer, every year Dr. Cohen stages the Liana Cohen Music Festival, featuring promising young classical artists, on March 25, Liana’s birthday. Since it clashes with Passover this year, the 17th festival will be Sunday evening at 6:30 at the Skirball Center in the Sepulveda Pass.
Dr. Cohen, a mother of four who lives in the Fairfax District, lost Liana on a 1992 Friday in August, the night before she was to leave for college. Two years ago Dr. Cohen celebrated her own bat mitzvah at Temple Beth Am, and she spoke to the congregation about the Torah portion of the week and how she has dealt with her loss.]
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Download a PDF of the program here.
When I was reading the word korban, sacrifice, for the first time, it brought to my mind our personal story.
Eighteen years ago, we were returning from Shabbat prayers. It was a peaceful and festive night for our family. But like Aaron, we were struck also with the tragedy of losing our beautiful Liana. Here the strange fire came in the form of a drunken driver.
For all these years, we have tried to find meaning and reason for her tragic death.
The closest theory that some of us believed was that on that Friday night the Angel of Death had the order to pick one or more of us. When the Angel appeared in the car, we believe that Liana, like the story of the Little Mermaid, immediately saw and asked the Angel to take her and leave the rest of her family alone.
This is the theory that works for us. It is painful but it is also secure. At times it makes us feel guilty. We even punish ourselves for living. But it is the best explanation we could find.
[img]1771|left|Dr. Cohen's first book, “Korban” (sacrifice), about her daughter.||no_popup[/img]Reading about the deaths of Aaron’s sons, Nadav and Avihu, brought to my mind the parallel story of korban. Maybe, as Rashi says, they had heard their Uncle Moses pray for their family, especially for their father Aaron. They knew that their father was in danger, as a result of punishment coming for the golden calf.
Maybe that night the unwanted fire that entered with them in the tent was actually the Angel of Death. So they also saw and asked him to take them and leave their father and brothers alone.
It is so much easier to find a minor or a major sin and put the reason of the death on it. If we accept the theory of sin, we can relate and compare the two sons of Aaron to the two tablets of the Ten Commandments.
The Ten Commandments are very important in the Torah. It took God and Moses 40 days to prepare them. We can find an amazing similarity of the day explained in Parshat Shimini and the moment that Moses was descending from Mt. Sinai with the two tablets in his hands. The Israelites were celebrating the golden calf instead of waiting eagerly for the two tablets. Moses was angered by their lack of faith and broke the two tablets.
For sure, the two tablets were dear to the Lord. When we work on any project intensely, it almost becomes like our child.
If we believe in sin and its consequences, this can be the best punishment for a father who had sculpted the golden calf, therefore two sons for the two broken tablets. Then how come so many criminals and evil-doers live so long and well in this world?
All of these theories can be right. They also can be wrong.
The Torah is not clear. Surely there is a reason for it. The important lesson is that Aaron, deep in his grief, stayed silent and continued his responsibilities.
This shows his extreme faith and belief in God.
How can we complain when all come from and return to Him?
When Parashat Parah is read on the same Shabbat as Shimini, there is another level of connection to remind us that in reality, God is not for punishment. Nor does he ask for sacrifices. God has given us the knowledge of life. He wants us to live a decent life.
Didn’t He ask Avraham not to harm his son Isaac? He is the one who opened Hagar’s eyes to see the fountain in the desert and to save Ishmael.
In the Haftarah (additional reading) for Parshat Parah, we find Him as a loving parent whose children have sinned and disobeyed His laws. By their actions, they have brought shame to him.
Death Is Not a Punishment
This time God says that He will purify them of their sins. He will give them a new heart and spirit. He will turn the desert into the Garden of Eden and say: “This time I will do it for My name’s sake.”
Parah reminds us that our God is the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, that we call for Him in our prayers every day. He is a loving and forgiving God. He is present with us every moment. Therefore when we trust in Him, even the tragedies change, because He knows how to soften the sharp edges of pain.
It ends with: “Remember, I am Adoni.
We are born to die. We probably can again blame Adam and Eve for this. But in reality, no one knows the secret of death. This is the ultimate justice and equality for humans.
We never will know the secret of death. We never will be able to stop it, either.
One thing is sure – death is not a punishment, nor the end. Accidents and deaths happen randomly to everyone.
Let us be grateful for what we have right now and not cry for what we have lost. If we believe in Him, we know that whatever He does, there is a reason, even if it is not logical to our limited mind.
Why I Believe in Miracles
Yes, it is sad for us to lose a dear one. His or her place stays empty and painful in our being till the day we die. But if we do not become bitter, we know that they have gone but not died.
They are always present with us, and manifest themselves spiritually all the time.
People call them coincidences.
I call them miracles.
Liana has gone physically, but she is present in each of us.
Since then, we have done many programs in her name. Yes, we all have learned to respect and put into action the words that were told us by the rabbis:
“May her memory be for a blessing.”
From the very first moments of the accident, I was blessed to acknowledge numerous miracles happening right in the midst of the tragedy. I am very grateful that miracles still continue happening in my life.
Today presents another miracle to me. When Rabbi Kligfeld was looking for a date for my bat mitzvah, March 26 was available. I immediately accepted, as it was a sign for me.
No, the date does not correspond to my birthday.
Liana was born on March 25.
Years ago when I was singing phonetically the prayers louder in order to encourage my children to sing, Liana gently told me:
“Mom, why don’t you learn?”
Well, I think I did it!
Dr. Rosemary Hartounian Cohen, who lives in the Fairfax District, received her Ph.D in sociology from the Sorbonne in Paris. She lived in two other countries before moving, with her husband and children, to Los Angeles in 1984. She has published four books in America. Since 1985, she has operated Atelier de Paris, an international art business, on Robertson Boulevard. Her email address is Rosemary@atelierdeparis.com
