[img]1325|left|Alex Campbell ||no_popup[/img]Dateline Boston — I’ve been to Heaven and back. I have achieved Nirvana. I know what’s on the other side of a rainbow. It is spread with a knife, and it comes in a jar.
S.O. and I went shopping for peanut butter. Among the peanut butter jars, we saw almond butter and sunflower seed butter. All of a sudden, a new jar caught my eye. It looked like all the other jars on the shelf, but the label said “Cookie Butter.” I rubbed my eyes and looked again. Cookie Butter? What on earth could that be? I picked up the jar and read the ingredients; something about gingerbread and biscuits. And sugar, S.O. pointed out—about 5 different kinds of sugar. It sounded like pure bliss to me. I threw a jar in the shopping cart when S.O. was checking out the dried fruit. I imagined that Cookie Butter might taste good on a toasted bagel with butter. I got those ingredients and impatiently zipped through the rest of our shopping trip.
When we got home, I made a cup of tea, then toasted a bagel, and spread butter and Cookie Butter on it. I took a bite, and…I saw a bright light. I felt myself floating. I think I heard harps playing, and I might have seen a cherub out of the corner of my eye. The bagel was chewy, lightly toasted. The butter pooled in areas where there were little bagel craters. The top layer of Cookie Butter was light in some spots, and more dense in others, in order to ensure multiple sensations upon consumption. My tea had milk, but no sugar, as my treat was sweet enough. It was a perfect combination, like a hand in a glove. Words almost can’t describe it; more of a feeling.
On subsequent days, I tried Cookie Butter on various bread products. I tasted bagel thins, trying to be “good” by consuming fewer calories. It didn’t taste as delicious. The best part of the bagel, the chewy middle, was removed, leaving me with a top and bottom to spread my Cookie Butter on. I tried healthy whole grain bread. Ick. I tried an untoasted bagel with just Cookie Butter, no butter. A little dry. I have come to the conclusion that the only way to enjoy Cookie Butter is on a toasted bagel with butter. Accept no substitutions.
I tell everyone I can about Cookie Butter. I bought my friends a housewarming gift: a bag of bagels, butter, and a jar of Cookie Butter. That was on a Saturday. Three days later, I asked how they were enjoying the Cookie Butter. My friend said it was gone. The next time we went to the store, there was a whole display of Cookie Butter on an endcap. Being an extrovert, I was tempted to stand in front of the display and tell anyone who seemed interested that Cookie Butter had changed my life. My enthusiasm borders on obsession.
S.O. calls me a pusher. Monogram my towels with the letter P, ‘cause I am spreading joy to humankind. My new slogan is: Spread joy—spread Cookie Butter. Now if you’ll excuse me, I think the toaster just popped.
Ms. Campbell may be contacted at snobbyblog@gmail.com
