I became annoyed the other day when periodically silly Wendy Greuel, the Los Angeles City Controller and the official favorite in the mayor’s race, anointed herself a victim.
Lawdy, Lawdy, feel sorry for my impinged-upon soul.
After observing her seldom-closed mouth in at least two dozen mayoralty forums, a victory by Ms. Greuel – her name rhymes, ironically, with the thinly strained soup with a similar spelling – would be a defeat for Los Angeles.
Armed with a stultifying cloud of hubris that only a veteran shlepper of victimhood could summon, she said the women of Los Angeles should vote for her in the March 5 primary, one month from this morning, because she is a girl.
Imagine a man saying that.
Imagine how vexed we would be if a non-white man or woman made such a nutty proclamation.
Being a loyal left-winger ever since she saw the light 20 years ago, Ms. Greuel’s pronouncement was judged a normal step for a poor downtrodden girl by the city’s leading arbiter in print, the Los Angeles Titanic.
As you know, wily, woolly-brained Wendy is one of the few girls in history who miraculously willed the sex by which she would be born.
If you think the last eight years with Mayor I Love Me have been a twin of Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride, you will have to strap yourself in, top to bottom, side to side, if this undisciplined chatterbox accidentally is selected mayor in the final round of voting on May 21.
In anticipation of the day she would run for the highest office in town, Whacky Wendy has cozily tucked herself under the heavy blankets with City Hall’s slightly tilted labor unions for years. She is reaping the rewards. They are underwriting her campaign.
Sounding like one of those short-skirted dolls along Sunset Boulevard after dark, Wendy has been hanging out at City Hall since the 1980s.
How do we know?
She tells it to blank-eyed passersby, dazed tourists, former boyfriends, their families, jurors, homeless persons and wide-eyed children in the hope they will pass her golden words along to their parents.
Have I Told You Lately?
Driving home at night, she will wake up people in the neighborhood she is passing through and insufferably blab into a microphone about 9-year-old Thomas, as if she were the only office-seeker to have a son, that she is married to a Jew, and that almost since she technically became an adult, she started working for Tom Bradley.
“I am connected, people,” she shouts.
Wendy has been an officeholder or has been hoping to be mistaken for one almost longer than Joe Biden.
No coincidence. Mentally, they score about the same.
Twice elected to the City Council, she was voted Laura Chick’s successor as City Controller four years ago.
Depending on the audience, wily Wendy will slyly acknowledge that she is the quintessential insider – her clothes have ribs worn into them from having parked in every piece of stable furniture inside City Hall.
Preposterously and predictably, the controller with the seemingly uncontrollable tongue, brands herself an outsider – because, you see, insiders have a shabby reputation.
Ethical Detours?
Last month, rival candidate Kevin James found evident evidence of ethical breaches in Wendy’s daily calendar.
Took them to City Atty. Carmen Trutanich.
That is the last that was heard of them.
Mr. Trutanich said the matter has been forwarded to a proper person, which, one guesses, is where it will die. I have called for an ambulance.
Discrepancies, or at least suspicions, have been found in Ms. Greuel’s obnoxiously trumpeted findings of “waste, fraud and abuse” in City Hall, a phrase now being used mockingly against her.
Like the supremely confident candidate herself, the Titanic has shrugged at the recurring reports, declining to examine them.
Why?
‘Cause Wendy’s a girl.
