With his Sacramento budget strategy defeats piling up faster than Swish Obama’s travel expenses, the latest amorphous message from Gov. Bald Retread is that he will try to place his hot-potato tax increases on a November ballot.
Bluster Brown has failed shockingly at a child-level task since returning to office 100 days ago on the wings of his election by the Welfare and Give Me More community.
Summoning all the entrepreneurial guile of a 7-year-old schoolgirl peddling lemonade on an abandoned street corner, Gov. Retread has stumbled and staggered.
All Right, Boys, Here’s Da Plan
His brilliant scam was to instantly level the $26 billion budget deficit by cutting $11.5 million worth of government services, and covering the rest of the deficit by coarsely hiking income, sales and vehicle taxes.
Only the vulgar-mouthed governor couldn’t validate an election without help from the Republican enemy whom he has regularly castigated.
Since the first week of January, he only has needed two Republican votes in the Assembly and two Republican votes in the Senate to authorize an early June election. By all accounts, His Retread Highness has been as effective as a mute at a Jonas Brothers concert.
He has been unable to convince even one Republican to defect.
Last seen, Bluster Brown was seen standing in the dock, tightly handcuffed, chin hanging.
He promised during his campaign last year not to jack taxes without going to the people, namely obtaining the consent of the union boys and girls, scads of illegals and the reliable Welfare and Give Me More community.
How Many Brave Dems? Zero.
You see, Gov. Retread can’t turn to his own people, the Democrats in the Legislature, those funloving liberals who live to steal and spend other people’s money, a takeoff on Swishy’s redistribution of America’s wealth among the Welfare and Give Me More society.
Reason: Gov. Retread is surrounded by quivering, incourageous Democrats in the state Legislature, more Dems than you would find ants at a Sunday School picnic, and there is an ethnic corollary. Accurately reading the mood of the people, they have told the Guv they will not ratify tax hikes on their own because they don’t want to be blamed next year by voters.
The Democrat rats, a superfluous phrase, have fled the Good Ship Retread for skin-saving purposes.
When they come up for re-election next year, they don’t want to be unmasked as the liberals who voted to sneak into your slender wallets and confiscate the green you have left. This used to be the left’s idea of green energy.
Therefore, Bluster Brown, beaten-up tin cup in hand, has no choice but to turn to the people to confiscate more of their paychecks.
Since the Democrats lack the courage to authorize the fat tax increases themselves, the tincup governor glumly has been touring the state resembling one of those homeless sharks Democrats profess to love more than their own spouses.
You may remember that mere months ago, your enthusiastic Westside friends and neighbors devoted maximum energy to electing the quite liberal Holly J. Mitchell to the state Assembly and Curren Price Jr. to the state Senate.
I keep peering out my office window to see the very brave Ms. Mitchell and Mr. Price leading a parade down our main streets featuring bold banners proclaiming:
“Help Us Jack up Your Taxes.”
The street is as empty as Bluster Brown’s Easter basket.
Hmmm, where could our legislators be? Not at a meeting of the Brave Democrats Society. That was disbanded 200 years ago due to lack of interest and members.
Should I contact the police to fire off an all-points bulletin?
Maybe they have been delayed by one of those every-decade traffic jams at the intersection of Braddock and Motor.
You never will read this in the Los Angeles Titanic because their jelly-tummied sycophants know it is against the newspaper’s core policy to criticize Democrats. Mouthy but mousy apologists such as Georgie Porgie Skelton say the governor’s failure is not his fault. Blame Republicans, he says, for refusing to see how enlightened his scheme is.
The sad central story of Gov. Retread’s return to office has been his remarkable political infertility.
