The Big Noise from Nowhere in Particular, U.S. Rep. Diane Watson (D-Culver City), said she will announce her retirement this morning, leaving an open-mouthed constituency with a bare cupboard two-word rejoinder:
“About” and “time.”
The only downside to her breathing-again departure at the age of 76 is that another empty suit, albeit a quieter one, outgoing Assembly Speaker Karen Bass, is expected to run for the Big Noise’s seat. The Westside might be luckier if Ms. Bass — she of the empty portfolio and even fewer talents — ran for the hills instead.
For sitting on her hands and keeping her hair trimmed shorter than any woman in Sacramento, Ms. Bass has been wildly cheered on her regular trips home.
In dozens of auditoriums from Culver City on into Los Angeles, the vacant Ms. Bass is revered for speaking thousands of hollow, puerile words while distributing hundreds of meaningless awards to strategically selected recipients.
Meanwhile, the Big Noise will be remembered as a mountain of a woman and a molehill of integrity.
When the Los Angeles Times, which admires her — what’s not to like? she is liberal, black and hates Republicans — reported her retirement this morning, Dickie Simon, Washington correspondent, could not find a single accomplishment to list in her five-term career. As the late Broadway columnist Earl Wilson used to say, that’s earl, brother.
Has Anyone Seen the Truth?
If Ms. Watson is not a practicing liar, her relationship to this form of dishonesty is intimate enough so that the dear lady and the notion of flaunting the truth may be described as going steady.
A fleet of 40 researchers could dedicate their lives to five years of record-combing without unearthing any notable achievements.
The Big Noise has carved an undistinguished career from the dual foundation of an undisciplined mouth and a large body.
She throws both of those daunting body parts around with the same verve, accuracy, and frequency, that Sandy Koufax pitched baseballs for the Dodgers.
The difference between the two is that Mr. Koufax is a gentleman.
The Big Noise ain’t no lady, though.
In the tradition of big-mouthed underachievers, Big Noise blanched when confronted with accountability. Owning-up is probably the softest of a whole bouquet of her weaknesses.
Early in her Congressional career, Big Noise submitted to one interview with the editor of this newspaper, later exhaling and spewing “Never again.”
She promised to do another sitdown on numerous occasions. But liars fashion lengthy careers out of unfulfilled promises.
As recently as December, one of her longest–serving deputies vowed repeatedly in multiple telephone calls that Big Noise would sit down to discuss healthcare reform among other subjects.
I even invited the two of them to my home. I may as well have invited John Wayne.
Just last night, I saw another valued Big Noise staffer at the Culver City Democratic Club meeting. My glance intersected with his. I started in his direction. Reacting with enviable pivoting skills, he suddenly remembered a man he needed to see about buying a horse or the Brooklyn Bridge.
He need not have fled.
I was just going to suggest that today’s retirement news conference be held at Hillside where a DOA political career could receive a decent burial.
