[img]560|left|Nicholas D. Pollak||no_popup[/img]Every week I sit at my computer keyboard and try to think of something to write for thefrontpageonline.com. Most times the articles appear from somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind. I type, I edit and I send the finished article in for publication.
Occasionally, I have no idea what I am going to write.
Then something happens, which stimulates the thought processes and enables me to write.
Today when I started to write, I was interrupted by a call from a client who wasn’t sure if he had booked a session for the next day. I thanked him for calling and assured him that he had.
That reminded me of one of my first clients over 19 years ago.
He had come to see me for memory improvement. I thought I had done well for his first session, gaining his background and starting to make a dent in his issue. Thirty minutes before his second scheduled session, he called to tell me that he had forgotten how to get to my office. Would I give him directions?
Here Came the Turning Point
We worked on memory improvement for another session and booked him for a third.
He dutifully arrived the following at the appointed time, without needing to call me for directions.
Once we started to tackle his issue, out of the blue he said he had another problem.
He and his wife had a two-year-old daughter. Ever since her birth, he and his wife had not had any sexual intimacy.
It turned out that the husband’s memory loss was simply a matter of mental overload. He was working a high stress job, up to 15 hours a day, 6 days a week. He was studying at school to improve his job situation. He was doing the majority of the housecleaning and helping to tend to their child when he came home because his wife was tired from having looked after their child all day while he was at work or at school.
As a result, he was functioning on 3 to 4 hours of sleep a night, trying to absorb the information needed to pass his schooling, as well as trying to ensure that he was paying attention to work, to ensure that he was accomplishing all that was asked of him there.
Therefore it was no surprise he couldn’t remember anything. He was not sleeping enough. He was very stressed over the many tasks to accomplish daily, while his wife felt her only tasks were to watch their child and to prepare a meal for her husband when he came home.
In addition he was suffering from a “Madonna” complex — when someone puts his wife on a pedestal of worship, He will not have sex with her because she is too angelic to be soiled by the physical and “dirty” act of lovemaking.
I have written before about the Physical and the Emotional sexualities and their associated behaviors. This was a classic case.
The Physical sexual wife was hurt her husband was not at home more, that he was tired from working all day and wouldn’t want to make love. This left her feeling uncared for and unloved.
Heading for Divorce Court
The Emotional sexual husband didn’t understand why she did not see that he was doing everything in his power to give her the life that she wanted. He began to feel resentful toward her since she did not appear to appreciate how hard he was working for her.
In addition, the Physical sexual wife would constantly be nagging him about all the things he was not doing in regard to her and specifically his lack of sexual desire. They were close to a divorce.
The Physical sexual, once deciding on her partner, will give all that she can to make her partner as happy as she can. She will do anything to provide a warm family environment. She will be available for sex whenever asked. This is one of the main ways she will feel appreciated, loved and secure.
The Emotional sexual, though not as physically family-oriented, shows his appreciation by being a hard-working provider. He will give expensive gifts (as much as their budget will allow) to show his caring for his partner. He will not want to have sex as often as his partner because he has a different sexual cycle. He will only want sex every two or three days.
I am sure that you can see the potential for problems here.
Remember, though, it is an immutable law of nature that opposites attract. The opposites in each partner were what attracted each to the other in the first place. As the relationship developed, these became the very things that repelled each other
Once they understood their parts in the Emotional-Physical relationship, they started to modify their behaviors.
She did more housework. He set aside quality time with his wife and made a date to have sex with her by reducing the classes he was taking and by sleeping an extra hour. As his workload subsided, his desire to be intimate with his wife improved.
Both became calmer, less hurt and more focused on staying together. His memory improved. So did their relationship.
Frequently, a presenting problem is not actually the real problem. Sometimes it takes a little while for the person seeking treatment to become aware of the truth behind his or her presenting problem, acknowledging it, and then taking the steps to fix it.
As a clinical hypnotherapist, it is not really for me to decide how a client needs to be. My obligation is to give clients what they ask for.
I help my clients to acknowledge their goals and aid them in getting there. I see my clients continually move toward greater success, happiness and prosperity and a fuller enjoyment of their relationships and other activities on a daily basis.
A clinical hypnotherapist, handwriting analyst and certified master hypnotist, Nicholas Pollak may be contacted at nickpollak@hypnotherapy4you.net
