Home Editor's Essays Why Didn’t Swish Run for Travel Agency President Instead?

Why Didn’t Swish Run for Travel Agency President Instead?

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[img]1|left|||no_popup[/img]As I laid on my back in my office and stared at this afternoon’s accumulated cumulus clouds, I wondered:

If Swish Obama, after a long, harrowing but successful career as a community organizer — okay, 6 months — had applied to a Chicago travel agency, couldn’t he have seen as much of the world as a travel agent as he has as President — but on somebody else’s dime, not ours?

If Swish has spent more than two consecutive nights in the White House, I would be shocked.

Besides being overwhelmed and faltering badly, by the day, in the White House, ol’ Swish is behaving like a rip-off artist circling the world on a weekly basis.

We should rename him Adm. Byrd.

Or how about American Airlines. After Rabbit Ears is finished with the White House, he or the country will need to start attending A.A. meetings on an hourly basis.

Preserving the Lettuce Patch

One of those cheesy, non-Fox cable channels that bootlicks the President should hire Swish as their nightly international correspondent and save some needy corporation a gorgeous bundle of lettuce.

As the frequently denying recipient of a privileged upbringing, President Swish is more unaccustomed to criticism than anyone I know this side of God.

He has been treated with the royally tinged adoration of someone who is much smarter and a much clearer communicator than he has turned out to be. What a bag of discount bologna we were sold.

And then when he is criticized, the rabbit-eared bum either blames his race or, like a 12-year-old big mouth, calls the other side names.

Maturation is in desperately short supply within the White House. Those tinhearted thugs he imported from Chicago jails to surround him perform like motion picture robots.

As a salesman, he couldn’t have moved $1.99 caskets at Jonestown.

A Sandwich That Stinks

He has a bigger ego than the Castro boys, Hugo Chavez, Paul Krugman, Henry Waxman and Ahmadinejad rolled together into one musty midget sandwich.

The most narcissistic President in decades starts and completes 90 percent of his sentences with “I.” And the punch line is, he believes it.

He may need more than a fleet from Bekins to get out of town.

So here is President Swish for the last 7 months telling us, “Everyone must sacrifice.”

As king of the elitist left-wingers, sacrifice never includes Swish and his bully boys.

And so, shlepping mountain-sized suitcases containing the puzzle pieces to his universal ego, Swish, Mad Michelle and their children hied off to Martha’s Vineyard.

We are told they are spending their latest golden week in a raggedy ol’ $35,000 a week fixer-upper. Rabbit Ears said a panting nation should be grateful. They turned down a $36,000 bungalow. “Everybody has to participate in our national sacrifice,” said President Ego as he sprinted out of sight.

But before singlehandedly soaring into Obamaspace, as the world now is known, his self-royal highness deposited a final order for the week with the traveling media:

“Leave us alone until our holiday is over.”

That sentiment is such a sharp reversal from his normal hourly narcissism that Swish’s fragile ego is believed to have suffered a stroke. Presently, it is reported to be in worse condition than Teddy Kennedy.