Liberals never consider themselves fully dressed unless they are wearing a scowl.
I do not remember ever encountering a liberal, even in a moment of crowning triumph, when he was not depressed.
His reasoning? Either something just had gone wrong or something was bound to go wrong exactly 45,000 years from 6 o’clock this evening, like climate change, as those lapdog Whores for Obama love to preach to us resisters.
To the consternation of liberals across the entirety of America, surveys year after year draw a huge bright line between conservatives and liberals as to which side is more pleased with its lot in life. The right, without fail, regularly reports it is happier than people on the left.
Utterly uncanny.
Syracuse University Prof. Arthur Brooks, who has written a book on the subject, Gross National Happiness, attempted last year in an interview with U.S. News & World Report, to answer why there is such a remarkable gap.
Q. Why are liberals so bummed out?
“Liberals are more likely to feel like victims and feel that collective action is the best way to make things happen,” he said. “That may be right, but it's a frustrating way to live. The Democratic Party is a coalition of oppressed groups. There are legitimate grievances in a lot of cases, but that does not make for a happy party.
“There is no claim that conservatives are better or righter. But it's undeniable that there is something conservatives have in their lives that makes them happier than liberals.”
Q. Conservatives aren't known as a jolly bunch. What makes them feel so happy?
“Half of the difference between conservatives and liberals is demographic,” said Prof. Brooks. “It has to do with religion and marriage, which is more frequent among conservatives. The real question is, why is the other half unexplained? Conservatives have a different orientation. Conservatives think there is a lot of opportunity in America. A lot of liberals feel this way, too, but conservatives overwhelmingly believe if you go around and work hard and persevere, you're going to get ahead, as opposed to you are a victim of circumstance or oppression and you are screwed in life. Again, that might be right, but it's not happy.”
The ‘Times’ Are So Depressing. Aren’t They
My breakfast cereal nearly curdled this morning when I opened Western America’s favorite dangling liberal newspaper to the op-ed page where beginning thinkers lay out their thoughts that resemble a jigsaw puzzle blown up by sudden climate change.
In all of his depressing splendor, Monday essayist Prof. Gregory Rodriguez of U.C. Irvine, who has been careening down a steep emotional hill for weeks, made himself look like a dunce again in this edition.
As a loyal little liberal, Greg Baby loves illegal immigrants, worships the ground that poor people trod in their ill-fitting pants and nearly-dead shoes. He favors baloney corruption of the language, replacing “abortion” with “a woman’s reproductive rights.” As an orthodox liberal, Greg Baby is required to throw darts once a day at conservatives or risk having his union card revoked.
The headline on his pathetic attempt at reasoning, “Smile if you’re insecure,” reflects his thesis that Americans are so darned happy for a lousy reason that exposes their disingenuity:
We are, in actuality, anxiety ridden babies who make ourselves forget our insecurities by being artificially sunny most of every day, says Prof. Rodriguez, who also dresses himself every morning.
Citing expert support, he repeatedly condemns Americans for constructing a phony thesis for developing their happiness. Clucking like a goose, Greg Baby says we are optimistic merely to fight off our insecurity. We’re just scared, slightly below the surface. A bunch of chickens.
Like his idol, Swish Obama, who is on yet another Apology for America’s Crimes Tour, Greg Baby loves America the way I love Bulgaria. Not.
Like many liberals I know, he is bothered to distraction that so darned many people around him are genuinely fulfilled by their lives while he walks around as if he is the second coming of KSM. How can this be, he asks his shrink every morning, when I am so nobly liberal in my thinking? Then he presses the “yes” button, which tells the therapist which answer his patient needs.
Greg Baby consumed an entire essay this morning scolding Americans — whom he does not like any better than the country — for being so upbeat while he drags his drooling chin through a nasty gutter.
In the process, paper-thin Prof. Rodriguez exposes one of his worst character flaws:
His green-flavored envy.
Like a loyal little liberal who is jealous of all persons who earn more than he does, he lies in his lonely bed each night and wails his jealousy over those 300 million Americans who are also happier than he is.
Thank you, God, for not making me a liberal.
