Home Editor's Essays The Fastest Way to Get Your Name into the Newspaper

The Fastest Way to Get Your Name into the Newspaper

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[img]1|left|Ari Noonan||no_popup[/img]I was driving back to the office from an errand around noon today when a radio commentator announced that America’s Longest Running Unemployed Faux Celebrity, the very, very Rev. Jesse Jackson, compared LeBron James to a slave.

Gimme five, Jesse.

Why in the world would anyone suspect that Jesse (I Feel So Very Left-Wing This Morning) is a racist or given to hyperbolic hooey?

And then there are the beautifully restrained race-mongerers at the Kansas City convention of the National Assn. for the Advancement of Colored People.

Has everyone in the Democrat Party fallen off a tall building since The Joke Who Became President became President?

Or whenever you are feeling mighty low, just Google the latest racist spoutings from his goofy nibs, the exalted Atty. Gen. Eric (I Think Some White People Should Be Allowed to Remain in Our America) Holder.

The Los Angeles Times, a fountain of junk journalism, reported this morning — and you can believe everything in the Times, right? — that Holder There, Pal is going to check the Arizona anti-illegal immigrant law for evidence of racial profiling. Isn’t that rich? Even if you are a race-mongering U.S. Attorney General, shouldn’t you be required to read the laws you criticize? Last we checked, Holder There, Pal had not.

What a guy. Serve that man another tall one. He clearly ain’t driving the bus.

I Am Obsessed, I Am Obsessed

If the Republicans ever regain power in Washington — before the Capitol is transferred to Chicago — will the Democrats, as the Honorable Opposition, remain as obsessed with talking and writing, every hour, about influential conservative male GOP stars and beautiful GOP women as they have been for the last 18 months under President Mumbles Bumbles Stumbles?

Are all Democrat women dogs in looks?

Returning to one of my favorite topics, the NAACP, it is about as current and influential as President Fillmore.

The NAACP would be as much of a political joke as President Obama, except that most Americans thought they had returned to the woodwork decades ago.

How does a left-winger get his name into the newspaper?

Two ways:

He either compares a Republican to A. Hitler or labels him/her a racist.

Left-wing journalists run to their typewriters as soon as such accusations are made.

Evidence? None needed. Or haven’t you noticed the hatchet coverage in the Los Angeles Times of Meg Whitman and Carly Fiorina in the 34 days since they chewed up their opponents in the June 8 California primary election?

In tandem, the boy and girl journalists have elevated Jerry Brown, the pockmarked nonagenarian who is Ms. Whitman’s Democrat gubernatorial rival, and Ms. Fiorina’s incumbent opponent, Sen. Barbara (Call Me Long Tall Sally) Boxer, to sainthood.

Mr. Brown, named for the old St. Louis Browns who used to finish last every year in the American League, has lost more races than an ailing horse with three broken legs.

Does any Times reader, besides hate-soaked left wingers, take the newspaper’s slanted political reporting reports seriously>

Which brings us to this wonderful afternoon.

The NAACP, mercifully, has been dead longer than President McKinley.

But watch for your favorite print journal tomorrow morning to give this yarn a ride:

The NAACP knows how to steal a chip of cheap publicity — call a Republican a racist?

Not only does this silly group deserve an “F” for fading from American view for at least four decades, it also gains an “F” for failing to be more imaginative than what the misguided girl below said:

“We're deeply concerned about elements that are trying to move the country back, trying to reverse progress that we've made,” NAACP spokeswoman Leila McDowell told ABC News. “We are asking that the law-abiding members of the Tea Party repudiate those racist elements, that they recognize the historic and present racist elements that are within the Tea Party movement.”