[img]1|left|||no_popup[/img] Miracles did not end with the Bible. The journalistic equivalent of walking on the moon was achieved yesterday. Inhaling enough oxygen to accommodate 50 people, large persons, The New York Times, historic paragon of intensely subjective objectivity, examined the most nearly-sinless liberal Man since Moses.
In a spiffy 5,080 words, spread across 13 columns and 95 paragraphs — roughly the size of Texas and California combined — the Times pronounced He Who Is Incapable of Sin a most worthy successor.
Whether to Moses or President Bush was left for the discretion of the undoubtedly slack-jawed reader.
Dear Mom, Forgive Me
I couldn’t write that many words about my beloved mother without inserting at least a little criticism of her — in the interests of honesty and believability.
In the interest of not sucking up any more of the little free air that the Times left for the rest of us peasants, He Who Is Incapable of Sin hereafter will be referred to by the cozier “He Who.”
A century ago, the Wright Brothers used up less space than this Page 1 story in their first 41 flight experiments.
Why Bother?
In descriptive phrases that would have made God and his 13 closest pals blush, two Times reporters, Jo Becker and Christopher Drew, determined that unless He Who’s twin brother belatedly enters the race, for true competition, it would be a waste of space and air, in view of the global-warming threat, to proceed with the autumn campaign against the obviously inferior John McCain. (For a journalist, Ms. Becker has a checkered past on the floozy level. Most recently, she was Children’s Rights Advocacy Director for the far left Human Rights Watch. Before that, and this is another knee-slapper, she was Executive Director of the Fellowship of Reconciliation, described by liberals who love vague, meaningless titles, as “a national interfaith peace and justice organization.”)
For all of the years that the Culver City News and the Culver City Observer have been publishing adoring, eyelash-fluttering pieces on Albert Vera, they have not even come close to flaunting the rudimentary journalistic principle of objectivity the way The New York Times did yesterday with He Who.
Not since Moses, reporters Drew and Becker indicated, has a man lived such an unflawed, unsullied, sin-free life for 46 virginal years.
A Life Designed in Heaven
According to the reporters’ painstaking research of He Who’s background, He Who has made an unbroken string of brilliant, inspiring, criticism-defying career choices ever since rising from humble, icily liberal, mixed-race beginnings to reach Harvard in a single bound. They passed right over his messy days as a “community organizer.”
To spare friends and supporters of He Who embarrassment in case they drooled while being interviewed, the Times provided them with almost clean hankies.
The mainstream media’s 15-month romance with He Who’s Presidential campaign already has reached legendary proportions, and there is still almost 6 months to go — if the Times relents and agrees to legitimize the November election.
Liberal politicians are almost never criticized in the mainstream media, but the fingertip treatment of He Who breaks all records.
The Quintessential Human Ideal
To justify the almost 5100 words, several dozen people were interviewed, and by golly, the two far-left reporters who wrote the story could not find a single imperfection, not even a baby blemish, among He Who’s increasingly well documented fibs.
His ties with the garbage-mouthed minister did not quality for even a mention.
His marriage to a female version of Billy Carter, the ever embarrassing Michelle (I Am the Only Boss) Obama, did not make the story.
His swelling list of character failings were treated like lice in the hair of your ex-wife.
His ties with the thugs Ayers and Rezko received merely uncritical acknowledgement, as if they were guilty of praying too much instead of too little.
In the tradition of Chicago’s criminal past, shake hands with President He Who.
