Christopher Armenta and his backers, sounding like a one-note choir with the needle stuck, are dusting off a laughable crutch in anticipation of losing the state Assembly special election on Dec. 3.
Mr. Armenta looked self-inflictingly silly early this month when he complained in his ugly mailer about the election falling in the midst of Chanukah.
At least he holds this dubious distinction: He is the first upright homo sapiens in the annals of the planet to issue this pre-loss excuse.
Jews still are giggling over the line that howls, “I must be a gentile who doesn’t get much air.”
May I guess that in his 99 percent previously honorable life, this was the first time the letters c-h-a-n-u-k-a-h passed through his lips in that order? The drunk who counseled Mr. Armenta should be sent to jail to dry out until after the holiday that starts a week from tomorrow.
Chanukah is the least seriously taken holiday on the crowded Jewish calendar. It recalls an incident two millenia ago when the Jews, as usual, were under siege. There was only enough oil to keep the permanent lamp burning in The Temple for one day. It lasted for eight. From that miracle the rabbis created the eight-day holiday of Chanukah.
Annual Jews
Except for Passover in the spring, more non-Orthodox Jews – who represent 95 percent of the community – are attracted to Chanukah than any other holiday.
Two reasons:
• It does not feel overtly religious.
• It takes less time to observe than a single television commercial.
A progressive number of candles – in what appears to be a candelabra, actually a menorah – is lit each night, up to eight. Two lines of blessings are recited. This is to be done after dark, and the menorah is to be displayed as publicly as possible to the outside world.
The non-religious also get excited over this movable-feast holiday because of its proximity to Christmas – makes them feel so, uh, American. In Israel, Chanukah draws less attention than the fourth day of July.
It is not possible to take seriously the candidacy of a fellow who is encouraging his backers to blame his defeat on Chanukah.
Even anti-Semites aren’t that ignorant.
To the unwashed, we have just learned exclusively that Gov. Brown had his choice of placing the election on Woodrow Wilson’s birthday or Dec. 3. “He agonized for 11 days before making the call,” his spokesgirl said with almost religious solemnity.
The same people kvetching now locked their lips in mid-September when the Assembly seat’s former occupant, Holly Mitchell (D-Culver City), ran for an open state Senate chair. They did not give a darn that it was Albanian Independence Day.
