Dr. Jeng Luen Yuh.
Nurse Margarita Conley.
Nurse Holly McVey.
They are my new authentic heroes.
I honor them for their kindness, their gentility, their gentleness and their sensitivity when faced by one of the world’s lesser patients.
On the fourth floor of Kaiser/Cadillac in the middle of yesterday afternoon, each, in a unique, memorable manner, found the precise form of comfort I needed.
For those among us who have been married all of our nights and days to an irrational fear of the unexperienced dimensions of our existence, what I endured yesterday can be more paralyzing than a Democrat who knows the combination to your safe.
A colonoscopy was on my calendar.
For one who has attained a certain age, 26,500 days, and still only has receipted for two or three sick days, the notion of entering a hospital, even upright, can bring up breakfast and dinner.
The colonoscopy assignment has been poised, threateningly, above my head for three weeks. I have consulted numerous friends and two disgraced psychics in quest of a substitute volunteer.
City Atty. Carol Schwab said, “You will be ready for dinner as soon as it is over, the way I was.”
How was your colonoscopy? was the first question new School Board member Nancy Goldberg asked this morning when we crisscrossed at the Middle School.
All I could remember from the 10,000-page or 10,000-word set of dense, meandering instructions was “do not stop drinking the Colyte,” as if the castle you inherited from your grandfather would be foreclosed on if you slowed down.
Were Kaiser spies peering through our windows?
Nine glasses of anti-tasty — which ain’t like antipasto — Colyte I consumed, starting at 4 Wednesday afternoon.
Colyte wouldn’t be a big seller, except in Third World countries where starving is the national pastime. But it wasn’t bad.
I fasted for 45 hours, essentially, except for a half-cup of broth Diane served Wednesday evening as my dinner and yesterday morning at 6:15 for breakfast. After that, I felt fit enough to run a marathon.
It was like awakening on the morning of Yom Kippur when you have only 15 hours of fasting to go.
My confidence was expanding at a mercurial pace. Soon it was going to weigh more than Shrek. En route to the hospital, we even stopped, casually, to see a cobbler.
Moments after arriving at Kaiser/Cadillac, Ms. Conley summoned me.
Over the next 90 minutes, she, Dr. Yuh and Ms. McVey not only made my procedure tolerable but desirable. I asked to return next Thursday. Seriously.
When you need a colonoscopy, choose Kaiser/Cadillac, and ask for my team, Dr. Yuh, Ms. McVey and Ms. Conley. They are good and they are kind.
