[img]541|left|Carter Dewberry||no_popup[/img]I used to weep so hard my shaky legs wouldn’t carry me out of the theater at the end of movies where lovers were parted due to life’s happenings. I would lament the injustice that brought an end to such tender moments.
I also used to not be able to say “thank you, I’ve had enough” when it was time for me to move on. I would stay in relationships that no longer served me and hated the idea of saying goodbye in the fear it might be a final goodbye. I would keep boxes of memories and papers just so that I wouldn’t have to complete a chapter.
What I didn’t realize is that never saying goodbye to things, never completing them once and for all, prevented me from having the space in my life for the new things I desired. It’s like having a full jar of stale water under a faucet. Fresh water can try to enter the glass, but with the glass already full, only a fraction of the stream can fit.
Endings for Beginnings
I still wouldn’t say I fully enjoy completing chapters. In my music life, for example, it is great to get the shiny new CD back from the printers. At the same time, after listening to the new album for the first time, I feel sadness mixed with elation. There is no returning to the process phase of the project. It is DONE.
What comes next? That’s the scary – but inevitable – question.
Having recently completed two major projects, I have been inspired to take this question to the next level. Instead of immediately creating the next goal or deliverable, I spent a week taking inventory of my life. In this process, I realized that I still have a lot of unfinished business.
Recognizing this, in the past week, I have worked on completing other smaller chapters. As a goal-setting machine, this is not normal for me. I don’t normally allow space in my life to go unfilled for long.
Which is why I’m trying a different approach this time. I am continuing to shed existing water from my glass in the faith that the fresh stream, when I allow it to flow, will be that much more powerful.
Ms. Dewberry, an accomplished cellist, completed her DMA in Chamber Music Performance from UCLA in December 2005. She received her MM in Cello Performance from UCLA in June 2002 and her B.M. in Cello Performance from Western Michigan University in April 1998. She also holds a B.A. in French with a minor in Women's Studies and Philosophy.
Her website is www.carterdewberry.com
She may be contacted at carter@carterdewberry.com
