I have the retired Rabbi Harold Schulweis to thank – or fault – for my position on gay marriage when family members are involved.
In the 1990s when such a stance was sternly unpopular, Rabbi Schulweis, a powerhouse at Valley Beth Shalom, Encino, in the ‘70s, ‘80s and ‘90s, spoke out on the crucialness of openly supporting gay relatives.
He may have advocated for gay marriage, though that, too, would have been radically progressive for the ‘90s when his voice became louder.
This was before my two gay sons, now 25 and 30, came out.
Even if I am emotional, I fight for reason to triumph over feelings. Raised in a family where right and wrong were firmly defined and gray was a rare visitor, Rabbi Schulweis’s compassion gnawed at me. Numerous times, I interviewed the finest or, at worst, second best Jewish orator of his era.
Theologically, we were as far apart as I stood from any liberal.
But his repeated, and at the time bold, statement of compassion clawed my skin until I surrendered.
I told A.J., my middle son, that while I opposed gay marriage in principle, I would be delighted to attend, and participate, if invited, in his wedding ceremony.
He looked at me with his familiar “Oh, yeah?” expression that was soaking wet with skepticism.
That was around 2001. What I said remains true today, except that he has not taken my telephone calls for years.
I thank Rabbi Schulweis for philosophically and wisely opening my eyes.
Now if he could just pry open the four ears of my estranged sons.
