Re “Ewell’s ‘Insulting’ Statements Show That He Is Misinformed’ — Union President”
I would have been more impressed with the still untested integrity of Adam Treanor if he had stood up to Ted Cooke a few years ago and said, “Chiefie, yer unbelievably wrong.”
My not-yet-friend Ted used to tell us Culver City was as safe as Disneyland because of his crack department and his superior chiefing.
Imagine my surprise then when my not-yet-friend Adam, trying to inject a little moderation into the Dump the Chief Now campaign, said it was “ignorant” and “condescending” of his not-yet-friend Ari to describe Culver City in such foolishly benign terms.
(Pssst, Ted. You put the dunce cap on today. I promise I will wear it tomorrow. We shall take turns.)
Listening to my not-yet-friend Adam ticking off the litany of filthy crimes that hourly are besetting this besotted plot of paradise called Culver City, I guessed that Al Capone had re-risen from the dead, converted to Islam, swiftly fathered 42 child prodigies and still had a reserve of energy to teach each of them how to terrorize a different neighborhood in this town every night.
I further suspect that my not-yet-friend Adam has strongly underestimated the likelihood that by the lunch hour on Thursday, for dessert, Culver City will be crowned the new crime capital of the Western world.
Locking my office last evening, I thought I heard the Taliban rumbling in the parking lot.
Forget Arizona.
I hope it is not too late for The Joke Who Became President to re-route the National Guardsmen he was dispatching to the Mexican border and point them instead to Culver City. Meanwhile, I have hired a team of lefthanded quadriplegics to throw up a few fortresses around Our Threatened Town before dinner tonight to prevent even more bad guys from leaking through.
We may even need assistance from the Palms P.D. and the Blair Hills Swat Team.
Before I heard the Tali Jazz Ban gargling rocks last evening in the parking lot, I was going to dash out to purchase a cape for my not-yet-friend Adam so he can scare off the bad guys.
Boo should do it.
Upon profound reflection, because that is what authors of “ignorant,” “condescending” remarks do for a living, I stopped by the 99-Cent Store.
My intention: To purchase a discounted sense of humor. Too late.
A clerk told me a union guy had just purchased the last 89.
