[img]541|left|Carter Dewberry||no_popup[/img]I learned long ago from Ayn Rand’s book Atlas Shrugged not to try to save the world. That’s not my job. My job is to discover my life’s dream and then go LIVE IT.
I am happy to report I have gotten much better over the years about allowing myself to shine. I realized this when taking a moment to reflect on where I was five years ago this month. (Yes, my birthday was last week… prime time for introspection.)
Back then, I was still firmly entrenched in the corporate IT world. I was running a non-profit organization, playing music that didn’t satisfy my musical passions. I wouldn’t admit I even had melodies floating around in my head… much less put them down on paper. I loaned/gave money I had been saving for creative projects to family and friends whenever I smelled they were in trouble. And I had just gotten out of a marriage that had threatened to cause me to quit music altogether.
Today, I am entrenched in music in so many ways it permeates my every mood and purchase. From maintaining an active performance and studio career and running a successful cello studio to testing the limits of my body’s tolerance to the computer through writing and recording music, I am immersed in the joy of living my own melodies.
Still Room to Shrug
Even so, there is something still deeply rooted inside me that competes with my daily musical output. I think it has something to do with feeling like I am selfish and am having too much fun. After all, what percentage of the world wakes up continually raring to “go to work”? I find myself still volunteering to help others with projects that take more of my time and energy than I have to give and still keep my own artistic deadlines. While this happens less often, when I look at my daily schedule and list of commitments, I am often overwhelmed by the amount of “other people’s stuff” present.
When will I learn, really learn?
My hope is that by writing this, I have exposed yet another layer of this behavior. And thankfully, oftentimes calling attention to an unwanted pattern and then deciding on an alternate approach is all it takes.
Fingers crossed while shrugging off the weight of this week’s lists with a smile.
Ms. Dewberry, an accomplished cellist, completed her DMA in Chamber Music Performance from UCLA in December 2005. She received her MM in Cello Performance from UCLA in June 2002 and her B.M. in Cello Performance from Western Michigan University in April 1998. She also holds a B.A. in French with a minor in Women's Studies and Philosophy.
Her website is www.carterdewberry.com
She may be contacted at carter@carterdewberry.com
