Re “Apartment Hunting Adventure, Part 3”
Dateline Boston — S.O. and I were curious about apartment No. 4. S.O. had talked to the agent and found him to be smarmy and somewhat of a jerk. I wondered how he had gleaned this from a five-minute conversation, but then I saw for myself.
We met the man who from now on will be referred to as “Smarmy” at the apartment, which was listed as a huge 3-bedroom, 2- bath with parking. It was close to the center of town and near more good friends. It was also cheaper than the one we had liked, apartment No. 2. As soon as he got out of the car, Smarmy started delivering his shpiel. This apartment was great, it never turned over, this was a rare opportunity, yadda yadda. He knocked on the door a few times. He said the apartment was vacant, but he was just making sure. No one answered, so we went in.
There was a big foyer, and off of that, an enormous living room, and a huge dining room. Whoa. Smarmy told us that there had been two guys living in the apartment, but they had just left in the night on Halloween. Mysterious.
We continued our tour, walking through a pantry that was almost a room in itself, to the kitchen, which was big and really nice. Smarmy was talking a mile a minute, crossed over the kitchen to the window, lifted the shade, and showed us the view outside. The four steps looked choreographed. The cynic in me came out, and I asked, “Have you shown this apartment before?” Without skipping a beat, he proudly said yes. I deadpanned, “I can tell.”
The smarm was wiped from his face momentarily, but he quickly regained his composure and led us to the first bedroom, which was tiny. When we remarked on it, he said that they had just re-listed the apartment as a 2-bedroom with an office. Breezing right along, he strode down the hallway to show us the bathrooms and bedrooms. The hallway took my breath away—it looked like a bowling alley.
Both bathrooms had new floors, although they sloped a little. Who cares? The full bath was big enough to fit a reading chair and a cat litter box! Onto the master bedroom. It wasn’t big. It wasn’t huge. It was enormous. You could do ballroom dancing in there. Off of the bedroom, there was a three-season porch, I’m not kidding. Smarmy explained that there was parking right out back. Parking is important. In my town, you can’t park overnight. So people usually rent parking spaces. A space that comes with a rental is a very nice thing.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I said, “How much does the rent go up every year?” He said, “None or very little.” I said, “And parking is right out back?” He half grinned and said yes. I folded my arms and said, “What’s the catch?”
He smirked at me and said, “No catch. We want to rent our apartments. So we keep the prices low. If you want to think about it, you can reserve it. You can give us a bank check. We won’t cash it until you sign a lease…” and he went on with a trail of words that sounded rehearsed. We walked back to the front of the apartment. Smarmy’s phone rang, and he took it. Seems he had an appointment to show a place in the next 15 minutes. We asked him a couple of other questions, he threw us some answers, and made it clear we had to go.
Something Is Quite Amiss
We were torn. This place sounded too good to be true! We loved it. We wanted to reserve it, and think about it. He said we could meet him at his office in 45 minutes, no problem. We bid him adieu, and went to the car to talk. We got in the car and exhaled. What a whirlwind! There was something we couldn’t put our finger on that just didn’t seem right. He talked too fast; it seemed like he was trying to sell us something. If he knew the place had been vacant, why did he knock on the door? He just didn’t seem like he was on the up-and-up. I suggested we Google him. S.O. did one better and looked him up on a review website. And oh, what a hit.
This particular agent got reviews, and they were all bad. One said something to the effect of, “Run, don’t walk away from this guy!” We then reviewed the realty company, and saw mostly bad reviews. They cashed your check before you signed a lease, they showed your apartment without notice, etc. We also reviewed the property company, and that got bad reviews! After a few minutes, we felt good about calling Smarmy and leaving a message that we’d decided not to take the place after all.
Which meant…for those of you following the adventure, apartment 2 was the winner! It was the one we liked best, it had a personal connection (since I knew the nephew of the landlord), it was a true 3- bedroom, and it was right around the corner from my workplace! We signed the lease a week later, and will sign a parking spot lease this weekend.
I’ve spent hours awake at night, decorating our new home in my head. S.O. and I recently had not one, but two meals at Ikea, looking at tons of possibilities for decorating. I can be found at home packing boxes, ripping pages out of decorating magazines or conducting polls on Facebook asking what cable company we should use. We are over the moon about our new place, and can’t wait for our Settling In Adventure to begin!
Ms. Campbell may be contacted at her new address, snobbyblog@gmail.com
