[Editor’s Note: A young woman of our acquaintance, with a clear sense of the satirical, dispatched the following note after last Thursday’s School Board Candidates Forum in Council Chambers. She said she would prefer to remain in the shadows, to keep her name company there.]
“I noticed that you left the forum early,” Ms. Onimous wrote. “If you didn’t watch the ending when you got home, you may have missed the final question. Here is how it played out.”
Question (of all candidates): Do you think that the Dodgers have a reasonable chance of making it to the World Series? How would that affect the Culver City Unified School District?
Gary Abrams: “World Series? What’s that? I don’t know as much about the World Series as these other guys, who are all doctors or Lawyers. But if it is good for the kids, then I’m all for it. You’ve got to ask the kids because kids don’t lie. You might be able to find a better answer at Ari’s site, the online front, or the front online page, or something like that.”
Alan Elmont: “Hmm, that’s a good question. During my fifty-three years on CBAC, we discussed the potential ramifications of a Dodger-Yankee World Series and how that might affect the budget, which I read cover to cover on a daily basis. You know, I’ve been to more School Board meetings than Tommy Lasorda’s been to buffets. Well, regarding that question, there’s no provision in the budget for the World Series. So I’d have to answer that if it’s not in the budget (did I mention that I’ve read the budget?), then it doesn’t exist.”
Patricia Siever: “Well, your schools are presently at an 80, but we can help you. We’ve worked really hard at West Los Angeles College, and while not all of your students come here, we’re really good. We’ve got some great programs that you might like. We’ve got a great transfer rate that you should look at. We’ve also got a great baseball field, and the Avengers used to practice at West L.A. College. So, I think that the Dodgers making the World Series will be good for you at the Culver City Unified School District.”
Robert Zirgulis: “As a substitute teacher, I’ve taught every single player in the major leagues. While the World Series is special, it’s not as special as environmentally safe oil drilling. I’ve heard there may be oil under Chavez Ravine. We should allow environmentally safe oil drilling during the World Series. Owner Frank McCourt would be entitled to the money, but he could give it to the Culver City City Council. Then the City Council will give millions to the School District. Then, we can take all the school property and sell it to investors. We can rent it back from them for a dollar a year, and use the remainder of the money to buy oil rigs so that we can perform more environmentally safe oil drilling.”
Kathy Paspalis: “As a single mother of two, and an attorney, I’m in favor of the World Series. Next question.”
Karlo Silbiger: “I think that this would be helpful to the District. However, before we do anything about it, we should have community forums like the one I had at El Rincon where we developed answers to all the District’s problems, eradicated world hunger and cured the common cold. We really need to get more community involvement if the Dodgers are going to be in the World Series. We should consider putting a committee together to study this. We should work with the city to charter a bus to go to the game, together, which will cut costs. While the Dodgers haven’t endorsed me, yet, every other Culver City has-been or never-was, has endorsed me. The list includes the Culver City Democratic Club, the Los Angeles Democratic Club, the Southern California Democratic Club, the California Democratic Club, the Western United States Democratic Club, the United States Democratic Club, the North American Democratic Club, the Western Hemisphere Democratic Club, and the World Democratic Club.”
