Part Three
Re “Making a Life Decision When You Are Alone”
[Editor’s Note: A very upbeat Niko Walker, a popular senior student who recently was voted Homecoming King at Culver City High School, is a transgender who began this week to relate how he decided that this would be the school year when his life changed for good, in more than one way.]
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Niko and best friend Carmen
At the end of yesterday’s installment, Mr. Walker said:
How was your news received at home?
Actually, my stepdad doesn’t exactly know. I think he suspects it. But I haven’t exactly told him. They still use female pronouns and call me by my birth name (Chelsea). I told my Mom after she heard from my (older) brother because he had told my Mom, and Mom said, “Like what’s going on?” I think he heard from Facebook, but I am not really sure.
I told my Mom I feel like a boy, and I have felt like this for awhile. But I didn’t want to tell you because I thought you would think I am crazy. It was hard for her at first because she was, like, “This doesn’t happen. How is it happening?”
This was a couple months ago, about the time school started. This is really fresh, but my Mom has progressed. She will call me “Niko” every once in awhile when my stepdad is not around, and she will refer to me by a male pronoun when we are out together.
We don’t want to keep the news from him, but…
He is not exactly happy about the whole gay thing. I just know that taking that step forward toward transgender would be, like, no. I don’t feel as if he would be supportive.
You appear to be extraordinarily well-adjusted. How did that happen?
I am no sure, except that I am a strong-minded, strong-willed person. I have been through a lot in my life. I feel so strongly about this because it is making me who I really am.
What is your touchstone? When you need to make a difficult decision, where do you turn?
What keeps me going the most are my friends. They are very encouraging. They always are there for me, no matter what. They have been there from the start, even when I was a gay girl. They have said, I don’t care who you are. It’s all right with me. And then coming out, they said, “Cool. You’re Niko now. It’s fine.” My friends are what keep me going.
I also want to thank my school. Dr. Magee, Ms. Cooper, Dr. Valverde, Dr. Spano. They all have been so supportive and so helpful in every way possible. Dr. Magee, she was the one who got my name changed on my ID so I wouldn’t have to display my female birth name over the summer. My name is changed in the yearbook because of that.
Whenever I have issues, like with other kids putting me down, if I go to her, she deals with it. She has been so encouraging. She says “Niko, you’ve got to keep your head high because you are doing something really great. You are going out with a bang. Keep your head up. We all love you. Down in the school, up here in the office, you are supported.”
How is life at home?
I am the only child at home. My Mom, my stepdad and me. My (older) brother just flat-out refuses to acknowledge the situation. My younger brother does not even know. My brothers live in Indiana with my Dad.
Has this bonded you and your Mother more closely?
Definitely. We are a lot closer now. When I first told her, she broke down, like, “why do you keep things from me? Why don’t you tell me? I feel like you are leaving me out of your life.” Ever since that conversation, I have been telling her more.
How is it for you day-to-day at school?
Pretty good. I’ve never really gotten any hate from anybody. My teachers are cool. They all use male pronouns. They call me Niko, except for substitutes. Sometimes they call me by my birth name because that is what is in the records. When I have a sub, I will go “That’s me, but I go by this.” Overall, people have been pretty supportive. I only have known one or two people who were nasty toward me, not to my face, though.
Please define transgender?
To me it is someone born in a body that they don’t feel matches their insides. I was born with a female anatomy, but inside I am completely male. I felt male from the start, and that feeling became stronger as I grew older. When I was younger, I used to say, “I am one of the boys. I can play with you.” When I got older, it was “I am one of the guys, too. Why are you being a jerk?” I don’t get along too well with other guys because I feel they are intimidated by me. For some reason, they are weird toward me. I get along really well with girls, which is fine with me.
What is the next step for you?
You have to see a psychiatrist first so they can evaluate you. They want to make sure you are stable and that you are not just saying, “There is something I don’t like about me and I want to be another person.” That is when they diagnose you with gender-dysphoria. I have gender-dysphoria, which means I am uncomfortable with the body I was born in.
I am seeing a psychiatrist for about three months. Then they write a letter of their evaluation, and recommend you start your hormone treatment. I have started mine, and I have been on testosterone for 16 days.”
