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Making a Life Decision When You Are Alone

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Part Two

Re “Niko’s Story in His Own Words.

[Editor’s Note: A very upbeat Niko Walker, a popular senior student who recently was voted Homecoming King at Culver City High School, is a transgender who began yesterday to relate how he decided that this would be the school year when his life changed for good, in more than one way.]

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Niko and best friend Carmen

At the end of yesterday’s installment, Mr. Walker said:

What is happening now has been a long time coming. When I was little, I used to be a tomboy. I didn’t think I was a boy. I just thought I was a girl who liked boy things.

I have two brothers and a sister. I am in the middle. One brother is 19, I am 18, my sister is 14 and my little brother is 10. Growing up, I liked to play boy stuff with my brothers. We played cars, action figures, Power Rangers, all that stuff. I was never really interested in girl things until the ninth grade. That was when I tried to do girly things. I wanted to fit in because I was new here at Culver.

I was born in California, but I grew up in Indiana. My dad was in the military, and he was from Indiana. When I was 11, my parents were divorced, and so we moved back here where my Mom’s family was. I was in the sixth grade, and we lived in Orange County. Then she got married, and we moved to Culver City when I started the ninth grade.

When did you decide you wanted to make a life change?

I came out in the summer to everybody. But it has been a thought in my head for the past two years, since 10th grade. In the 10th grade, I was, like, this is not right. I don’t feel right. I hated being labeled “lesbian” because I felt that wasn’t me. Whenever people would ask me what I was, I would just say “I like girls.” Take it however you want to take it. It was really hard for me.

Did you have anyone you could confide in?

I didn’t, actually. That was why it look me so long to come out. I didn’t have anybody to talk to. I was scared about how people would take it. It’s one thing for people to come out as gay, but for those who say they are in the wrong body, it is a whole new level for people to understand. I never talked to anybody. In the summer when I came out, I started seeing a therapist, and I am still seeing a therapist. She has helped me a lot with questions I have, and getting my feelings out there about everything that is going on around me.

Who was the first person you told?

My best friend, Carmen. She was very supportive. She said, “I am your best friend. I kind of knew it about you. Just know that I always am here for you. I don’t care who you are, what you are, what you label yourself. You are Niko to me, and that’s fine.”

What made you come out this summer?

Being overwhelmed with the label I had acquired at Culver, which was “lesbian.” It has always bothered me. I took some time. I evaluated my situation. I got myself together, and then I was just, like, I am a boy. I can’t keep living as a girl. This is too much for me. It bothers me. I don’t like it. I don’t like the things I have to go through I just came out.

How was your news received at home?

Actually, my stepdad doesn’t exactly know. I think he suspects it. But I haven’t exactly told him. They still use female pronouns and call me by my birth name (Chelsea). I told my Mom after she heard from my brother because he had told my Mom, and Mom said, “Like what’s going on?” I think he heard from Facebook, but I am not really sure.

(To be continued)