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The challenge posed by (an unintentional) comedy of errors like “Cold December” doesn’t lie so much in striking a merciful tone, given its little-money indie pedigree – although criticizing an indie film really does feel like the equivalent of kicking a puppy – but in not writing a review in the form of a bitter litany of complaints. True, the film’s 82 minutes could have been put to better use, like watching NCIS re-runs, but, as they say, it is what it is.
When given the choice between writer/director Brian Wright’s photographically-challenged scene composition – marred by inappropriate, pace-destroying long takes on unworthy subjects – or odd choice of shots – a scene filmed from an angle that looks straight up a character’s nose is particularly weird – it’s rather difficult to pick an element from the film to be emblematic of how awkwardly the film’s elements try to fit together. Nonetheless, in an example of ambition triumphing over good sense – that proverbial reach exceeding grasp – the film’s love scene might well do in a pinch to show how far astray the filmmaking goes. As the film’s husband and wife have at it with about as much enthusiasm or romance as drying wall paint, Wright keeps the camera tightly focused on the characters kissing heads. And he keeps it focused there to inflict the same constrained shot on viewers for what seems longer than the film’s entire running time. The best part, however, comes when the whole ordeal ends on a sour note and the covers are thrown aside only to reveal that wifey is still fully-dressed and hubby still has his boxers on. How they mambo’ed in a horizontal position is almost as mystifying as the post-coitus conversation in which we have to ask why a couple married for five years hasn’t already settled the contraception issue.
A Revised Golden Rule
The confluence of everything that goes awry in the scene – banal cinematography, flawed editing, mise-en-scene – while representative of how Wright’s direction works against a cast that has actual chops, is still not as cringe-inducing as Wright’s script. Structured as a series of long scenes with repetitive and unenlightening conversations a fly wouldn’t stick to walls for, Wright’s script suffers from information mismanagement and a violation of that Golden Rule, “Show, Don’t Tell.”
We’ve seen the man-in-a-rut character before; he’s almost archetypal by now, having been poignantly portrayed in films like “The Weather Man” and “King of the Corner,” Peter Riegert’s 2004 agreeable indie production. But his appearance in “Cold December” in the form of Chris, the aforementioned husband, doesn’t really provoke any kind of sympathy or emotion. Okay, maybe one: the wish for an interactive slap button on the remote. “I hate my [expletive deleted] boss!” Slap! “I hate my [expletive deleted] job!” Slap! “I hate…” Slap! Surely a man with such trivial, easily solved problems needs to be slapped upside the head (metaphorically speaking) rather than made the protagonist of a movie. By expressing Chris’s existential angst through endless complaints instead of putting the guy through the paces of an actual plot, Wright ultimately fails to provide a reason to take any interest in him. When the miraculous happy ending comes along – again, through dialogue more than action – the film’s has long gone past the point of no caring.
Entertainment Value: no stars (out of two)
Technical Quality: no stars (out of two)
Acoustic Pictures in associate with Echelon Studios presents a film written and directed by Brian Wright. 82 minutes. Not rated. Starring Chris Fountain, Alyssa Roehrenbeck, Phil Hendricks, Dan MacDonald, Jessica Cooper, Megan Burgess and Frank Daczewitz. Visit www.echelonstudios.us for distribution and screening information.
– frédérik sisa –
blog: frederik-sisa.blogspot.com
“Insight, untested and unsupported, is an insufficient guarantee of truth.”
— Bertrand Russell
