Being gay and grossly overweight seldom is a rational formula for professional ignorance, except in Sacramento, where competition is snowblindingly furious among the boys to throw their weight around the hallowed halls.
Every time the decidedly classless, lowbrow Johnny (Boob) Perez, Speaker of the Assembly, draws up both chairs at the chow table, he ponders the thrill of swinging his tummy forth and back, consuming cholesterol at an impressive speed with both hands, while balancing his next heaping plate on his vacant left elbow.
His overt gayness and his World Trade Center-like dimensions make him a magic magnet for the boys at the Los Angeles Titanic, a bastion of journalistic integrity where the mission is one major story in every edition honoring the joys of gayhood, accent on the latter syllable.
It was the disgusting Mr. Perez’s turn in the Ain’t He Sumthin’ tub on Saturday’s front page. Although his record of accomplishments is mediocre — especially since his party monopolizes every chamber in town — the Titanic insisted that “by many measures…(Mr. Perez) has had a successful 18 months as Speaker.”
If the reporter means Mr. Perez has not assaulted or killed anyone since taking office, it appears he is correct. But picky, picky.
A bullyboy from the Hug-a-Thug state labor movement, where crudity is valued over normal principles, Mr. Perez — as graceless and intimidating as you would expect a gangsta to act in daylight — owns an achievement record as slender as his waistline should be.
Called thinskinned and arrogant, The Intimidator blew what was to be his signature accomplishment, wiping out the city of Vernon.
So what’s to commend? Nothing beyond his gayness.
In tandem, Mr. Perez and Mr. Perez’s stomach stalk the chamber, scaring people, pretending that Halloween is a is an honorable left-wing ritual. Perhaps it is.
He has become so phobic since seizing the Speaker’s chair last year and giving all the boys on his staff plump raises even before he was formally installed, Mr. Perez can put all of his friends on his lap — and probably does.
Except for promoting his well-advertised, proudly displayed gayness, I discern a justification for a fawning piece celebrating an amazingly unpolished politician.
Unable to find a colleague who would salute him, the Titanic had to dip into history. The newspaper was forced to resort to the dreadful gay icon Sheila Kuehl.
Truth Occasionally Available
The Titanic’s traditional full-disclosure policy only calls for Republicans to be ratted out; therefore, it was not pointed out that Ms. Kuehl is a lesbian or that the only remotely complimentary observation came from his best or only friend.
A former state senator who has been trying for years to infuse public school curricula with hardline gay doctrines, Ms. Kuehl gushed with her customary restraint and measured maturity when assessing Mr. Perez:
“I love his politics and I love him.”
Her more acute judgment came in the next sentence:
“But I think he’s made the choice to act as if he can make something happen by ordering it.”
Pretty astonishing that only one obscure Perez colleague was willing to pat him on his wide-berth back, and the best she could say was a cool, “He treats members like adults.”
Shrewdly, the Titanic casually ignored Mr. Perez’s nastiest move of the legislative session that closed for four months last Friday.
We turn to the opening lines of an editorial last week by the Sacramento Bee (sacbee.com):
“A controversial bill to unionize babysitters — really, babysitters — emerged just four days before the legislative session is set to end. Assembly Bill 101, authored by Assembly Speaker John A. Perez, appeared in print for the first time on Tuesday, and appears greased for approval.
“Had this been good policy, the bill would have been introduced earlier in the session and gone through a normal hearing process. But it’s not good policy. It’s an embarrassing payoff for powerful unions, in this case the Service Employees International Union and the American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees, and legislative Democrats don’t want you to know about it. That’s why they’ve delivered it in a gut-and-amend special, at the end of session, in a desperate bid to avoid scrutiny.”
As commonly is the case in Sacramento, the bad guys succeeded. The bill passed in the last hours, and the cold-hearted gay thug in the Speaker’s chair may yet confiscate more money from your wallet, for babysitters.
Gov. Brown, intimately familiar with the gay lifestyle, should veto it. We shall see.
