[img]958|left|||no_popup[/img] Dateline Boston — I went to a back specialist awhile ago; he ran me through a series of tests. They were a little weird, but I did everything Dr. Back asked me to — “Put your arms up here, touch my hands, bend down and touch your toes without bending your knees, bend at the waist to the left…” When I was finished, Dr. Back said, “Well, you’re not the most flexible person in the world.” Right.
He recommended a yoga DVD, which I looked up and ordered as soon as I got home. It wasn’t your ordinary yoga DVD. It was yoga for people twice my age, or for people who perhaps were recovering from an injury. Hmm. Well, I guess I was recovering from back spasms, technically. Maybe I was as flexible as an 85-year-old, although I just turned 43. In any case, I embraced the assignment, and watched the whole DVD through once so I could see what I had signed up for. It looked easy enough. One part had me cracking up. I was worried I’d lose it when it was actually time to do the move.
First, the backstory. My S.O. and I have this private joke we do only at home. We pretend we’re stuffy old people at a restaurant, and we want something. So we call the waitress. We put our arms up and wave our hands, saying, “Oh, girl!” The male version of this is, “Young man!” We think we are very funny doing this, and we laugh hysterically each time.
Back to yoga. There’s a move that the instructor does where you’re sitting in a chair. You hold the chair with one hand, and then you stretch your other arm up, twisting your wrist in a circle. Oh, boy. The perfect position for calling a waitress. “Oh, girl! Bring me a glass of water — I need to stand in Mountain pose.”
After a few days, I finally decided to get serious and just do it. It’s broken up into three twenty-minute segments. In the first segment, you sit in a chair while you stretch your neck, arms, legs, wrists (“Oh, girl!”), and ankles. Part two is standing poses. You really concentrate on balance. It’s harder than you would think. Holding a pose with your legs stretched out straight and your arms up in the air is not for sissies.
Then there’s the third section of the DVD, the sun salutation. That’s a workout. You do poses in rapid succession, multiple times. Your heart gets pumping, and you question what you thought yoga was in the first place.
The DVD ends with a relaxation session. You lie on the floor and relax all the muscles in your body, while listening to the soothing voice of the yoga instructor.
I was proud of myself for not having to use any props while doing the Old Lady yoga DVD. Mind you, I might need them when I’m 85, and I won’t be ashamed. This time, all I needed was a two-hour nap.
Ms. Campbell may be contacted at snobbyblog@gmail.com
