Dateline Seattle — My body’s blowing up like the Pillsbury Doughboy. I can hardly walk, but still I am grateful. Perhaps I am carrying this “attitude of gratitude” thing a bit too far?
Last week my powerful 58-year-old legs carried me on the three-mile roundtrip hike to synagogue and back with no problem. This weekend I am house-bound with a draggy left leg that is causing me to walk like a drunken sailor. And I’m not upset. I’m grateful. It could be worse.
Perhaps I kind of took my legs for granted? When I was a teenager, I could do 25 cartwheels without stopping. My legs have given me great pleasure by allowing me to dance, supporting me in an 8-K Run when I turned 40, and generally propelling me through a busy life. Though I had to give up running because of my 10-year-old auto-immune disease that affected my spine, I could still walk for pleasure and exercise with family and friends.
But for now, I’m dragging my left leg along because of a break-through auto-immune attack which may have been caused by a pharmacy error. I’ll leave out the details but rather explain to you why I’ve still got this gratitude attitude.
Suddenly, Down WasUp
When I first got hit with my disease, my whole life changed. First we had to figure out what was happening. Though we never did figure it out, we did learn to manage it. Suddenly gratitude became really big for me.
I bought a Chicken Soup for the Soul book about people who went through tough times and emerged even stronger. I realized there is always someone out there going through something much rougher than I am. I learned that G-d designs our tests just for us. I was having a test! I can appreciate my tests. I work to pass my tests. This is what people call “growing.” Yes. I can grow.
So while I can’t flex my toes normally and I have to remind my left knee to bend, I can still unload the dishwasher (slowly) and stand in the kitchen. I’m grateful!
I may have knocked out my immune system on another round of high-dose steroids. This means I can’t see anyone (outside immediate family) or go to the grocery store for weeks, but I can still make my matchmaking calls and keep up with my clients. I’m grateful.
And if this round of attack would have put me paralyzed into a wheelchair, I would have found something to be grateful for– that maybe I could still work on the computer and find other creative ways to serve my family and community.
Currently, I am grateful for the hope of recovery and the spiritual knowledge that life is full of tests and the Almighty is watching to see how I do on this one. I do not want to be a kvetcher. I want to make Him proud.
Gratitude has been linked as a key ingredient for happy lives. Harvard Health published the following thought on gratitude:
… Gratitude is a thankful appreciation for what an individual receives, whether tangible or intangible. With gratitude, people acknowledge the goodness in their lives. In the process, people usually recognize that the source of that goodness lies at least partially outside themselves. As a result, gratitude also helps people connect to something larger than themselves as individuals — whether to other people, nature, or a higher power.
In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.
Something always could be worse. So I choose to look for the good — because there is always some positive side to my test. Whatever situation I’m in at the moment, I’ll do my best to view it with an attitude of gratitude. Do I think I’m carrying my gratitude attitude too far with my shleppy left leg and being house-bound with a weakened immune system? Nope. Could be worse. Could get better. Why be miserable? I choose the happiness builder — gratitude.
Ms. Young is a Jewish matchmaker in Seattle, may be contacted at www.seattleshadchan.com
