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Showering You with Dry Humor

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Alexandra Vaillancourt
Alexandra Vaillancourt

Dateline Boston — How do you take your shower? Hot? Cold? In a bathtub or separate stall? I was reflecting on various showers as I took one this morning while the water went from comfortable to scalding. Such is life in an apartment building with only three units. There I’ll be, washing my hair, or my face, and the soothing stream of water I’ve been washing with has turned hotter than Hades. I step back, letting the steam clear my sinuses. I try not to think about the fact that my water got hot because someone in another unit flushed a toilet.

Whenever we move to a new apartment, Husband removes the cheap showerhead that the landlord has provided and puts a new one on. Our preferred showerheads aren’t the biggest. We don’t need Tropical Rainforest as a setting; just a full stream with the option for a pulsing beat, though I’ve never used that setting myself. Our showerhead can also be hand-held, though I only use that feature when rinsing a bathtub from a cleaning.

Those Were the Days

When I lived in Japan, my only option for a shower was a hand-held showerhead. It clipped to the wall, thank goodness, but when I went to the hot springs where there were communal showers, I had to learn the Japanese way. Everyone sat on plastic buckets and got themselves wet with a hand-held showerhead that had no wall option. We had to get wet, soap up and rinse, all while holding onto a showerhead. The bucket was filled with water periodically to aid with rinsing. I didn’t go to the hot springs very often.

Once a year I go to a resort with a group of 20 women. Okay, it’s not a resort; it’s place that’s sort of like a camp for grownups. The buildings were handmade from trees on the land, and it is a very environmentally conscience place. The showers have the most energy efficient heads I have ever experienced. When you turn on the shower, you get in between a spray and a drip, and the water pressure is very low. Every time I take a shower there, I pretend I’m either on Survivor or The Amazing Race. In the Survivor scenario, I pretend that I’ve spent the last 17 days bathing in cold ocean water. The shower feels so luxurious! In The Amazing Race scenario, I pretend that taking a shower in that stall is a challenge, and it’s one more step towards winning a million dollars.

Listen, I joke about showers and pretend that I deserve a nice showerhead that I choose myself. In reality, I know that I am lucky to have hot water at all; so many people don’t. I am grateful for my situation. I conserve water and take my showers as quickly as I can. My neighbors help me with that.

Ms. Vaillancourt may be contacted at snobbyblog@gmail.com

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