Here’s the scenario:
People are walking out of a building. I get to the door, realize there are people just steps away, and I hold the door. Often people walk through the door I am holding, do not attempt to hold the door open for those who follow, and do not say “thank you.” I am left holding he door – until someone grabs the door to hold it for others, or until there are no people within a certain distance.
Why am I holding the door?
Why am I holding the door so long?
Why do I despise (okay – dislike) the behavior of people who do not hold the door for those following them, and for those people who do not say “thank you” when I hold the door for them?
What is my problem? What is my solution?
First, some possible solutions:
I suppose I could try to be just like many others. I could try to pretend not to see others coming out of the building and, therefore, not hold the door for them.
I could try to pretend that since nobody asked me to hold the door for him or her, I, therefore, do not have to hold the door.
I could try to pretend that no one really wants or expects me to hold the door for them. Therefore, I do not have to hold the door.
Seeking Slippery, Elusive Solutions
I could give each person who passes me without holding the door an I-Message: “When you walked past me without holding the door for those behind you, I felt hurt because I then needed to stay to continue to hold the door for others approaching. When you neglected to say “thank you” when I held the door, I also felt hurt because you appeared to not value my courtesy of holding the door for you.”
Now, as to what might be my problem:
Is my “problem” that I feel “superior” to the people who do not hold the door, or who do not say “thank you”? If that IS my problem, do I need to see a therapist about it? Or can I just accept the premise that I AM superior in those respects?
Is my problem that I want to teach the world to behave more decently toward others? That I want others to at least be aware of their surroundings? To be aware that there is a door, which, if they do not hold it open for others that follow, it will close, forcing the others to again open the door? “What’s so bad about that?” some might ask. My answer: Either we help each other on this ship of life or we sink together. It is that simple.
Mr. Ebsen may be contacted at robertebsen@hotmail.com
