The next time my wife loses her keys, remind me to call ace political reporter Off-the-Mark (I Prefer to Ride) Barabak of the ever-vigilant Los Angeles Titanic.
After following him for a number of years, I conclude that the Titanic’s favorite Barabak Rider is one of the most reliable journalists on the planet for smoking out Republicans (and sometimes Democrats) who can belch a stream of unfiltered nastiness about Republicans.
Off-the-Mark loves playing rhetorical bully.
By the darnedest coincidence, his only targets are Republicans, I presume because they are the only ones guilty of hourly infractions.
Devoting its resources to the Brown-Whitman governor’s race, the Titanic feels confident that Sen. Boobie Boxer Ears will overcome the challenge of Republican Senate candidate Carly Fiorina and return to Washington for a fourth 6-year term.
Off-the-Mark wrote the longest story in this morning’s edition of the Titanic, and it was crafted as a tribute to the power of convolution. The ol’ boy has been outshined by much younger Titanic staffers this election cycle, and he tried to gain back all of his lost ground in one messy, directionless piece.
Emotional Excitement Builds
The headline, in the Titanic’s almost-literary tradition read as if to warn a reader he was about to plunge into a whiz-bang story that would make your goosebumps look pregnant:
“Gov.’s race leaves voters skeptical,” an electrifying teaser that caused me to stumble over the remains of our late lamented dog, who passed away Sept. 17, as I lunged to grab the newspaper from my wife before she became caught up in the rhapsody of it all.
The drop headline said: “A bellwether county has a clear message for Brown and Whitman: Get relevant now.” That was so revealing I feared I suddenly had developed a case of water on both of my knees and one of somebody else’s.
Off-the-Mark’s opening volley hopelessly hooked me.
As a refined gentleman of unsurpassed taste, given his background, Off-the-Mark didn’t waste any computer keys in niceties. He let mean ‘ol Meg have it right between her probably crossed eyes.
Off-the-Mark wrote that said all of this quibbling the last week and a half over whether the Bald Retread or a flunky called Ms. Whitman a whore in an accidentally recorded cellphone conversation is hogwash.
Can he prove it?
You bet your parents’ allowance he can, baby.
It was a huge deal several weeks ago when Ms. Whitman performed perfectly — to the letter and spirit of the law — in firing a lying illegal alien housekeeper. By thunder, the left raged for days. How typically heartless of a typically heartless Republican, they winked.
But when Mr. Retread or his flunky wife or an unrelated flunky calls Ms. Whitman a whore (though Off-the-Mark refused to use the term), hey, it is meaningless, pal, just typically empty GOP kvetching.
How do we know this?
Sherlock Barabak doesn’t have a reputation for lousy aim for nothing.
He found and almost-canonized a Whitman supporter who would kick Ms. Whitman in the shins under the table and out front for everyone to see. The backer said that calling Ms. Whitman a whore was bilge. She wanted to talk about something useful, like jobs and the economy.
You may be comforted to know that from there, Sherlock Barabak branched off into truly partisan talebearing.
I guess this means Off-the-Mark is not going to vote for a whore for governor.
