While grinning broadly at Gov. Blagojevch’s delicious triumph over his political betters yesterday afternoon, let us turn to the seldom-illumined dark streets of what they used to call the gay liberation movement.
Many gay activists are two sides of one coin. They play victim by day, bullies by night, whichever persona you need, sort of like changing cultural sox. Smoothly, almost convincingly, they portray themselves as helpless victims when it is politically useful, morphing into fire-breathing, profanity-spewing, club-wielding intimidators when vulgar rawness is more politically expedient.
Gay boys can be dangerous to your health. If you disagree with them, they may try to kill you, or at least your enterprise.
In Minneapolis a few weeks ago, Target Corp. committed a faux pas the social equivalent of expectorating on the face of President Obama. Target, which probably should switch its name to Bullseye — or is it Bullieseye? — donated $150,000 to the election campaign of a Republican. That wasn’t gross enough. Tom Emmer, a candidate for governor, opposes gay marriage.
Murgatroyd, shall I call Osama or Mr. Obama and arrange for a mass kidnapping of the families of Target’s targets?
Did You Hear What Happened?
Gay boys, who maniacally comb the weeds every day for stray data that will boost their overfed cause, found out about this gap-toothed gaffe. The dirt flew, and Target’s targets still are spitting soil out of their teeth. Eschewing the notion of manning the barricades, gay boys stormed the company. They threatened demonstrations and a nationwide boycott if Target didn’t immediately rescind the donation, give $150,000 to the gay movement, and permanently curl into an obsequious footstool for the pleasure of the bully boys. Agree with me or I will kill you and your business.
The gay boys’ army may be more of a threat to freedom-loving Americans than Islamic terrorists.
A group of goofy gay intimidators — do I sense redundancy? — representing the “Human Rights Campaign,” according to the partisan, dependably slanted, occasionally reliable Los Angeles Times, conducted what you and I would call a brazen holdup. The Times called it righting a grievous wrong.
Shaking its fists in the faces of Target’s decision-makers, the Human Rights Campaign pledged to not only make Target targets wish they suddenly went deaf, dumb, blind and Democrat, they would smash their darned business.
Meanwhile, in Gay Heaven (formerly known as San Francisco), said the boys from Human Rights, they will oppose the construction of two new Target stores — which means Bullieseye may as well transfer the construction gang to Tucson or Tuscaloosa, ‘cause ain’t nothin’ gonna happen in Gay Heaven.
Not to be left out of the war, Tommy Hamburger and Jenny Martinez, writing their seminal dispatch for the Times from Washington, D.C., apparently a Minneapolis suburb, used the story as a vehicle for their piously held political beliefs. No shock here. Tommy and Jenny, in this supposed straight news story that is not to include opinion, inserted their fervent opinions. Writing as loyal Democrats, they said Target’s donation was a gross example of how fat-cat corporations (whose wealth Mr. Obama seeks to redistribute among the unemployed) will skew the political landscape this season as the result of a Supreme Court decision last January that permits corporations to give to political campaigns. (Before, only unions were. Now unions are forced to compete, and the Times vehemently disagrees.)
When gay boys feel nasty, dear reader, you may as well have the mafia living on your front porch. You are cooked more thoroughly than that chicken you consumed for family dinner last Sunday.
When gay intimidators strike, douse the lights. Send the accountants home for keeps. Torch the business before they do it for you.
Lest you think we are being hyperbolic, taste this nifty nugget from Fred (I Am Very In) Sainz, described as vice president of the Human Rights Campaign, portrayed as a non-heterosexual corollary to the Daughters of the American Revolution:
“Among the bullets in our gun,” said Mr. In Sainz, turning a so-darned-cool peace-shlepping phrase, “is (Target’s) continued relationship with the LGBT (lesbian/gay/bisexual/transgender) community. Gay and lesbian customers are among Target’s most loyal customer base.”
In a deeply appreciated update from the war zone, the Times reported yesterday, gosh darn it, that talks between Target targets and their peace-shlepping kidnappers, have broken down.
Doesn’t that beat all, Murgatroyd?
Those nice young men waving machine guns merely were trying to educate those foolish Target targets, show them the light, the truth, and gimme a sonic boom “Hallelujah.”
Stunningly, Target targets balked. Talk about ungrateful victims.
The soldiers of the gay boys army demanded that Target send $150,000 to their favorite Love Them There Gay Boys cause before lunch.
Target wanted to think over its options — presumably fast death and slow death.
His Gayness Joe Solomonese is described by the Times as the president of the august Human Rights Campaign. You would think a fella with a name like Joe would possess more solomonic wisdom than he was about to flash. Glancing at a nearby Obama brand teleprompter, Mr. Joe said, with vividity:
“If (Target’s) initial contribution was a slap in the face, their refusal to make it right is a punch in the gut.”
Hide the women and children (unless they are gay). The rest of us are about to be rhetorically slaughtered.
