Recently, a high school girl in my state committed suicide. She was new in town, an immigrant from Ireland. She was quiet and sweet. She had a boyfriend. She was bullied by a group of girls, mercilessly, through texts, online and in person. Much of the talk centered around the supposed “rules” of teen dating. A classmate commented that the girls who bullied were jealous of the new student.
The bullies were suspended, and a town meeting was held for parents and concerned citizens to talk about what to do. What the parents wanted was for the school superintendent to resign. In a videotaped report I watched online, I heard the following words: Punishment, school, policy, parents, charges, police. Sounds pretty harsh to me.
I don’t think suspending bullies is a solution at all. What’s the message there? Harass someone, and then stay home for a few days. Maybe you’ll fester a bit those few days, and come on stronger next time. Well, whose fault is it? It’s the parents’ fault! It’s the school’s job!
Why is there an “us/them” attitude when it comes to bullying and harassment? Parents vs. teachers and school administrators. Teenagers vs. adults. Why don’t teenagers and adults get together and talk about what is going on?
Talking to Them — and with Them
The other day I was waiting for the T, along with a teenaged girl. Another teen walked over from the high school and said to her, “Hey, I just got suspended.” It was something about lunch and not telling someone. I didn’t quite catch the details. She said to her friend, “Well, it’s good for me, at least.” Then they started talking about people from the high school; their behavior, their Facebook pages, etc.
I wanted so badly to talk to these girls. I wanted to say, “So wait, why were you suspended exactly? How is it good for you? Why are you talking smack about those people?
I want to have a conversation with teenagers and their parents. I want teenagers and parents and teachers to talk together. In the same room. Taking turns. I want to know what kids are thinking. I want them to know what we’re thinking. I want what we do as teachers in preschool settings to continue in elementary school, high school and college.
Talk to each other. Listen. Wait your turn. Ask for something if you want it. If you don’t like what someone is doing, say that you don’t like it. If it doesn’t stop, get a teacher to help you. Know that you have good ideas, but they may not be the same ideas as someone else’s. Realize that there are different opinions, and that doesn’t make something “right” or “wrong.” Share.
Have a conversation. Talk. Exchange ideas. You may just learn something. To the bullies, I think President Obama said it best in his inaugural speech: “We will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.” Let’s work together. Why can’t we all just get along?
Ms. Campbell may be contacted at campbellalexandra@hotmail.com
