In the supermarket the other day, I was talking to a bright young man behind the deli counter who was interested in the benefits of hypnotherapy.
We talked about relationships, communication and behaviors when he asked if hypnotherapy was any good for addictions. I proceeded to tell him how hypnotherapy could help addicts with their compulsion to drink, to do drugs, to smoke.
A lady nearby interrupted us. She said she had been an alcoholic for 20 years and knew the damage it was doing to her but that she could not stop. Did I have any suggestions?
I suggested she find a botanical garden, go to the cacti in the garden, sit and look at them for three hours.
This sounds a little weird, but I know that this suggestion works. While she is looking at the cacti, I told her to ask herself, “How can a cactus can go up to three years without a drop of water?” I gave her my card, and asked her to call me after she had done what I suggested.
To my surprise, she called two days later.
She told me the following story.
“I went to the Getty, sat in their cactus garden, and I asked myself the question you suggested. All I could come up with was, because they can.”
She had her answer.
She told me last night was the first in many years that she had not had a drink. As far as I know, she is still clean and sober.
Her Secret
The bottom line:
She was a person who accepted information on an inferential basis. Literal instruction would have been wasted on her. She had the kind of mind that needs inference so that she can “mull” over what is said to her and come to the meaning of what was being said.
In this case, she picked up on the inference really well. She realized if a cactus can go “dry” for three years, —a simple plant with no consciousness — she, a thinking human being, can decide to quit or continue. Case closed.
Any addiction can be resolved in a simple fashion. Nancy Reagan was berated when she suggested to any addict that the answer was to “Just say no.”
This solution was criticized as too darned simplistic. However a whole advertising campaign was built around this simple phrase.
I happen to agree with Mrs. Reagan. The answer to any addiction is simply no.
Every alcoholic or drug addict who has sobriety for any length of time will tell you that breaking an addiction is extremely difficult. It boils down to: Will I or won’t I use today. Simple, yes, but changing one’s ptatterns of habit is difficult.
Everyone feels comfortable in his or her routines or comfort zones. Most of their behaviors, learned and set by the time they were 12 years old, can be hard to change without help.
You, Too Can Change
I have suggested in prior articles that you are able to change a habit pattern. I gave the example of your house keys. When we all get home, we have a certain place where we set our keys or bag when we come in the door. We do it without thinking. In the same way, an addict will continue with his or her habit because it is a learned behavior.
The idea is to try something different. Next time you go home, consciously place your keys or bag in a different spot. Place them in the same new location every time for the next 21 days. For the first 7 days, you will have to remind yourself to do it. In some cases, put the keys or bag in the old spot. Remember later what you were supposed to do, go back and do it.
For the second 7 days you will do it on some days and have to remind yourself on others. The third week, you will be doing it pretty much automatically. Ater 21 days, you will not even think about it. You have now created a new habit.
The same with addicts. In rehab, they spend time detoxifying. In discussion groups, they talk about the pressures they were experiencing that led them to their using. They receive support from other addicts who have or are experiencing the same problems. They share a common bond of understanding as to what each was going through. The idea is to allow the addict to understand that it is ok to “feel.” It is okay to admit addictions. They need to know they are not alone.
They are also kept occupied so that they do not have time to dwell on their desire for their drug of choice, but are being given to opportunity to learn different skills and habits to assist them in living drug or alcohol free in the real world.
In rehab, addicts are removed from access to drugs and alcohol. But the moment they leave, they are able to meet with their old friends and dealers or to walk into stores that sell liquor. They are easily able to fall back into old habits.
Those who don’t fall back to their old habits and who enjoy many years of sober living all agree that it was as simple as just saying no.
Once I was with friends at a restaurant bar. They were on their dinner hour and decided to have a drink. When I said I wanted a club soda, they looked at me with mock shock and horror. They tried to convince me to have a drink. Politely, declined. I explained that as I get older, alcohol puts me to sleep. I was driving a long distance home, and so drinking was not a good idea. Both friends said that they lived further away than I did and it was okay for them. I said that was okay for them, too. I just said no for me.
The funny part was, after one friend left, the other friend, by now a little tipsy from two martinis, proceeded to spend the next 10 minutes justifying his drinking and saying that by the time he is ready to drive home the alcohol will have metabolized in his system and that he will be completely sober.
(I wonder if he gave a thought to how the alcohol was going to affect his job performance)
Each addict has the ability to justify his own behavior, as we all do.
Their fight to quit requires more than lip service, a determination to be clean and sober.
As the days of sobriety mount, the determination builds to gain 30 days, 60 days, one year.
As the time lengthens, pride in their accomplishment grows. They become high on life and what it has to offer as well as the rewards of their own hard work.
Twelve-step programs offer this prayer as a help:
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom, to know the difference.
I would like to offer an alternative:
I don’t have to quit forever.
I can use tomorrow if I want to
All I have to do is not use today.
I can do anything for this one day
Nothing will be too much for me
I can even break the day down into each of its 24 hours
If the struggle to be clean and sober demands it.
I focus on just one hour at a time.
I am able to survive 60 minutes at a time without using.
How freeing it is for me realize I only have to quit using for today
I am doing whatever I need to, to live without using today.
This is another version of the much shorter “One day at a time” slogan, which, as all 12-steppers know, can also read one second, one minute or one hour at a time.
Addictions severely damage our path to success, happiness and prosperity. I encourage you to remember a phrase my father once said to me:
“Everything in moderation. Including moderation”
A clinical hypnotherapist, handwriting analyst and certified master hypnotist, Nicholas Pollak may be contacted at nickpollak@hypnotherapy4you.net
