[img]541|left|||no_popup[/img]I am leaning forward on my tiptoes at the edge of the precipice, peering through the fog, trying to locate a familiar figure or element. When I cannot, my pulse quickens, and I feel the fear – and thrill – of being alive.
The longer I gaze intently, the more I understand why people engage in extreme sports and other adventures, like skydiving and bungee jumping. The adrenaline rush, the forced attention to the NOW, is life affirming, and in many cases, addictive.
My Cliff
My current precipice is creased with staff lines and nearly unintelligible pencil marks flying in all directions. My canvas of fear, the ultimate adrenaline rush, is my composition journal. Here all is unknown, too often indiscernible, not at all predictable.
Writing music is the scariest thing I can do these days. Which is why I continue to do it again and again. For I know that everything I really want in life lies on the other side of fear.
I’m not talking about gratuitous or stupid risks one might take while intoxicated or on a dare. What I mean by this is sitting down, admitting what I really want, and then admitting to what is standing in my way. What I ALWAYS find is that what is standing between me and what I want is on the other side of something really scary.
At one time in my life, this meant leaving behind a life of partnership I knew for another much less comfortable existence as a single woman. A few years later, this meant leaving behind my newfound identify as a single woman for a committed relationship to a man who continues to challenge and inspire me to be my best day after day.
Today this means leaving behind a past filled with rules and acceptable performance practices and writing music that defies most of what I have learned over the years.
As I prepare for an evening where I explore the depths of my sadness at a friend’s recent passing and my own immense gratitude for just BEING HERE to feel, much less play my cello, I feel alive. And I would have it no other way.
Ms. Dewberry, an accomplished cellist, completed her DMA in Chamber Music Performance from UCLA in December 2005. She received her MM in Cello Performance from UCLA in June 2002 and her B.M. in Cello Performance from Western Michigan University in April 1998. She also holds a B.A. in French with a minor in Women's Studies and Philosophy.
Ms. Dewberry is celebrating the release of her new album, “Origins.”
Her website is www.carterdewberry.com
She may be contacted at carter@carterdewberry.com
