I think I have held one or two grudges in my life. There was this guy who punched me in the stomach for no good reason in elementary school.
I'm a fairly peaceful kind of guy. But . . .
I saw a movie today, “Inglourious Basterds.”
One can't help but feel some sort of joy in taking out your grudges (revenge) on the Nazis.
The Nazis were the meanest of all people. They were out to destroy a part of the human race.
Do I hold a grudge against them? Yes.
Do I hold a grudge against other people?
Only one. And I can't tell you who it is.
But I will try to tell you why. And I'll try to tell you why this individual is the only one I can think of whom I hold a grudge against (besides the stomach puncher).
I first met this individual, let's call him or her “Cap,” a few years back. “Cap” was speaking before an audience and used a “slur” word. After the speech, I went up to “Cap” and tried to reason with him/her. Here is a paraphrasing of what I said:
“In this modern world, as in any other world, there is no place for labeling a person with an epithet that is considered derogatory by many. I am hurt by your use of the term.”
Cap responded, and I paraphrase again:
“Well, I have been offended by these people all my life. And the term I used is not really offensive when you break it down.”
I responded (paraphrase):
“First, no matter whether you believe the word, in its broken-down state, is inoffensive, you should not use words that are offensive to others — even if it is offensive to only one member of your audience (even to one person in the world).”
My wife convinced me to hear him/her speak again some months later — assuring me that perhaps “Cap” listened to my ideas and changed. He didn't. The same words. That was it!
“Cap” is not just your average man-on-the-street.” He/she holds a position of some authority in the community. If “Cap's” words were broadcast on TV, he would, I believe, be roundly chastised. But, because he moves in “select circles,” he is protected from the larger community's wrath.
That is why I hold a grudge against “Cap.” Exactly because I feel he is “hiding” behind his “select circles.” He should know that there is a larger world out there. But he closes his mind to the fact that a person from “outside” might enter — and be insulted — by his verbiage. How dare him think that his small world will only be entered by people who will NOT be offended by his language!
Yes, I have heard other people in the community use such offensive epithets. Yes, I am hurt, and I admonish them for it. But, no, I do not hold a grudge against them. I just leave them alone. They are misguided, and stupid. They are not in a position to believe that their world will be entered by people like me.
So, what's the difference between “Cap” and that stupid guy from the community?
The difference is that “Cap,” in the guise of authority, has the audacity to believe that not even one of his many listeners will care. The stupid man from the community only has the audacity to believe that his one listener will not care. That, to me, makes “Cap” even stupider! And the subject of my grudge.
Mr. Ebsen may be contacted at email robertebsen@hotmail.com
