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I’ll be upfront. I am not a native son of California, and my arrival here was not the result of me waking up one morning, stuffed with visions of sun, surf and bikinis, and saying, “I’m packin’ up and movin’ to California, eh.” Nope; while I obviously made a conscious decision to move here, my coming to the Golden State, instead of another state, was largely the product of circumstance.
But here I am, eight years later. I’m not a native son, but I’d like to think I’ve been adopted. The more I learn about my (new) home, the more I appreciate California for being different from those podunk little states – places that secretly yearn for a return to segregation, or insist that creationism is science, or keep gays locked up in the closet. And when people from other parts of the country condemn San Francisco for being lousy with liberals, when the rest of the country mocks L.A. as a smog-shrouded crime-zone, when they complain about California setting the bar too high on issues like the environment, I bristle. That’s right; I bristle. Because while California isn’t perfect – as if perfection is even possible! – there’s real gold here (as one of my heroes, Huell Howser, would put it). California is a state I love and admire.
But it’s not just California’s rich history or gorgeous natural beauty that makes the state golden. (I recently did a coastline drive down from Monterey; wow! I mean, wow!) California’s gold also stems from being sophisticated, urbane, cosmopolitan, connected. It stems from the sheer variety of people living, working, playing together. It’s okay to be different in California. It’s okay to be yourself. Just take a stroll around the state. What do we see? Humanity in all its glorious colours, its endless permutations, its boundless capacity for invention and reinvention. We have goths and yuppies. Catholics and Orthodox Jews. Mexicans and Chinese. Straights and gays. And that’s just the tip of it; so many ethnicities, cultures, religions, viewpoints. We have, in California, a beautiful microcosm of the world at large.
Into this comes Prop. 8, a ballot initiative that would change California’s Constitution to define marriage as being solely between a man and a woman. This horrifies me. It depresses me. Prop. 8 is an attempt to turn California’s gold into lead. I’m asking you to reject it. Prop. 8 supporters have been flooding the TV with ads – you know, the one with the scary Pepperdine law professor threatening all sorts of horrible things if gay marriage is allowed to continue. Let me be blunt: The people behind the ads, those “Yes on 8/Protect Marriage” people, including Prof. Richard Petersen, are lying to you. They are using fear to confuse the issue.
They say gay marriage will result in churches losing their tax exempt status. This is false: Gay marriage concerns the government, and the California Supreme Court decision explicitly states that no church/religion will be required to change their beliefs and practices.
You Are Not Told Everything
They say that kids will be taught about same-sex marriage. What they don’t say is that, under California law, parents have the right to opt their child out of health/family education that conflicts with their own personal beliefs.
They say that people will be sued for their personal beliefs. Personal beliefs have nothing to do with it; this is about institutions. And as the “No on Prop. 8” campaign (www.noonprop8.com) says, this has nothing to do with marriage. “California’s laws already prohibit discrimination against anyone based on race, religion, gender or sexual orientation.”
They say that gay marriage puts children at risk. This is also false; it is Prop. 8’s discrimination against gay couples that puts children at risk. But don’t take my word for it. This is what the medical and scientific professionals of the American Psychiatric Association have to say (http://www.psych.org/Departments/EDU/Library/): “The children of unmarried gay and lesbian parents do not have the same protection that civil marriage affords the children of heterosexual couples. Adoptive and divorced lesbian and gay parents face additional obstacles. An adoptive parent who is lesbian or gay is often prejudicially presumed as unfit in many U.S. jurisdictions. Furthermore, when unmarried couples do adopt, usually one parent is granted legal rights, while the other parent may have no legal standing. These obstacles occur even though no research has shown that the children raised by lesbians and gay men are less well adjusted than those reared within heterosexual relationships.”
So I’m asking you to overcome the lies and bigotry.
I’m asking you to overcome discrimination against a minority.
I’m asking you to be better than an attitude of prejudice that once condemned blacks and women as inferior.
Gay marriage isn’t about forcing anybody to do anything they don’t want, whether in their private lives, their church, or in school. It’s about equality under the law. It’s about same-sex couples — consenting adults — having the same legal rights and responsibilities as different-sex couples. It’s about treating everyone with dignity and respect. It’s about love. It’s about two people who want to commit to each other and support each through good times and bad times.
As a heterosexual, your life isn’t going to change because of gay marriage. But a family member’s life will. A friend’s life will. A neighbour’s life will. So please don’t choose intolerance and bigotry. Please choose love. Always choose love. Voting NO on Prop 8 is the right thing to do. Voting NO on Prop. 8 is the California thing to do.
Frédérik invites you to discuss today's column and more at his blog (frederik-sisa.blogspot.com).
