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Amidst the near-unanimous chorus of chin-dribbling cheers that erupted — and that was just in the media — after Messiah Sr. dipped into his sticky crackerjack box and hired Messiah Jr. as his Second Banana, one crucial question remained deftly ignored.
If this fella Joe Biden is so uniquely skilled to fend off those darned pesky Republicans who keep defeating the Democrats, if he possesses so many sterling qualities that one man said God must be jealous of him, why didn’t someone notice before he reached retirement age?
It is not as if he has not done everything up to self-immolation to draw attention.
Only in the Democratic Party, I would surmise, could you run the two worst Presidential campaigns in American history, then suddenly be plucked off history’s junkpile, having grown no new qualifications, and be instantly regarded as the heroic savior of a failing campaign by a rookie candidate.
Even for liberals, this is a breathtaking rejiggering of history.
One of those messianic chaps needs to be warned:
He Who Is Without Sin will have to scootch over and clear sitting room for He Who Is Without Punctuation.
Wind up the Windbags
Mr. Biden never has met a period or a comma that he agreed with. As blowhards go, he stood unchallenged as the all-time windbag in the history of Congress until Barack Obama blew in from Chicago.
It is at least 50-50 the mirror-wielding windbags will talk each other comatose before Labor Day and sleep right through the election.
Jay Nordlinger of National Review says that the narcissistic Mr. Biden and the narcissistic Mr. Obama “may be the most self-loving ticket ever. There’s an old saying — ‘he’ll die in his own arms.’ That can apply to both of them.”
Last 2 Perfect Americans
With scarcely a dissenting voice in the media gallery, Mr. Biden was described on Saturday and Sunday in the most glowing terms employed publicly since Mr. Lincoln’s funeral. So far, however, the closest Mr. Obama has come to Lincoln is to drive one.
Predictably, Mr. Biden is being treated as a fresh-faced personality. In fact, he has been around longer than your Aunt Tillie, who boasted that she shook hands with Teddy Roosevelt before he died in ‘19.
At 65 years old, he has done everything short of buying a ticket to get into the White House, but still his beanshooter won’t reach that far.
A casual reader, which would describe most voters, could be pardoned for thinking that Mr. Biden, suddenly marketed as a gold-mine in loafers, just had been discovered living obscurely and modestly on Mars, and he was specially flown to this planet Friday night, via Superman Airlines, as the badly needed magic bullet to rescue the candidacy of He Who Is Without Sin.
Your Turn or Mine to Err?
The job-description of the gaffe-prone Messiah Jr. is to save the gaffe-prone Messiah Sr. from himself. Democrats not only talk funny, they think funny.
Hardly anyone may recall that the two times Mr. Biden “ran” — to phrase it generously — for President, he failed to draw a hundred supporters either time. Dead candidates routinely fare far better. As a Democrat, Mr. Biden wears a criticism-proof vest and never was called for making a boob of himself on the campaign trail. Republicans such as the much-mocked Dan Quayle and the heavily ridiculed gnome-like wizard Ross Perot could have taught Joe Blow how to succeed if he had not been so busy talking, to himself.
We turned the volume down after the second of his campaigns capsized in a bathtub-sized pool of water, but it is not yet known whether Mr. Biden has yet stopped talking.
The Right Choice? Maybe
Mr. Biden is so nakedly obnoxious that he once is said to have bragged that the difference between him and George Washington was that he threw a quarter over the whole state of Delaware.
But there is a glint of hope that, even as a stopped clock is correct twice a day, Mr. Obama may have stumbled into an excellent selection.
In prizefighting, matchmakers first consider the styles of the two boys when putting together a bout. It may be that Mr. Biden’s legitimately thick resume plus his resilience and seasoned combativeness will hide Mr. Obama’s numerous vulnerabilities and overcome those same skills in Mr. McCain and his mate-to-be.
Meanwhile, the next person who chooses the Democrat or the Republican because he approves of the choice for vice president should have to sit in the corner with his back to the class until the election is over.
