The Schnauzer
The schnauzer follows a similar argument, saying, "He opens the door to let us out to play, but then he shuts the door at night to keep us warm. We all know how cold it gets at night. The odds of the door opening and closing by sheer accident at just the right times are infinitesimally small; it defies the bounds of reason to believe this phenomenon is just an accident.
“Therefore, he — the door-opener — must exist."
The Collie
The collie agrees and elaborates, saying, "Look at this house. Look at how the walls are precisely perpendicular to the floor, how all the paint matches, how the windows are set so perfectly in the walls, how the lights come on and off at the flip of a switch, and how the air conditioner and heater come on and off automatically.
“Surely all this complexity and order didn’t just happen by accident. This house was designed, designed by somebody, somebody very smart.
“Therefore, he — the house-builder — must exist."
The Cat and the Food
But my cat, who is probably smarter than any of the three dogs, has studied all the details, and he disagrees with their findings.
On the issue of food, he has done a lot of research. One night, he slipped out and went to the pet store, where he saw the shelves filled with cat food and dog food. He collected empirical data on the types of food available. He even went through my credit card receipts and found charges from the pet store matching the food.
"See”, he reports triumphantly to the dogs. “The food doesn’t come from a mythical life-sustainer. It comes from the store! The credit card pays the store, and the store supplies the food.
“There is, therefore, no life-sustainer, you simpletons!”
To prove his point, the cat even took the dogs to the pet store so they could see for themselves. He then showed the dogs the credit card receipts. And there it all was, plain as day, in black-and-white: the food had been purchased by credit card.
The Cat and the Door
As for the door, the cat has analyzed its workings and found that it has hinges and a doorknob. He has even learned to use the doorknob so that he can now open the door by himself, if he tries hard enough.
"See! There is no mystery here," says the cat. "There is no need to believe in a mythical master. I myself can manipulate this door, and I am merely a cat.
“Your mythology is falsified by my science!"
The dogs, witnessing firsthand his opening of the door, stand with their mouths wide open.
“There could be no door-opener when the cat can open the door himself,” they reason. “Our former belief in the door-opener must have been the result of our ignorance, now exposed for what it is.”
S. E. Harrison teaches law and logic in Los Angeles. He is author of Plutonomics: A Unified Theory of Wealth (http://plutonomics.wordpress.com/).
