By appearances, Eric (What Does Laconic Mean?) Garcetti is one of the smartest politicians in Los Angeles while Wendy (Vote for Me Because I Am a Girl) Greuel is down around the middle of the page.
Those pithy observations will be useless when Los Angeles, with heavy heart, quivering fingers and icy toes sadly votes for a new mayor on May 21 to succeed one of the weakest minds this side of grammar school, Mayor I Love Me.
They may be smart but they are not discerning.
Both Mr. Garcetti and Ms. Greuel take seriously what they learn from their favorite television channel, MSNBC. Like most liberals, they advocate substituting mockery and guffawry for analysis, replacing employment with food stamps, favor welfare over work incentives, and they believe plum trees should abound in every labor union’s garden.
I was reminded of the low bars of achievement both of these left-wingers set for themselves during their year-plus campaigns for mayor while watching America’s favorite couple go swimming in another cesspool.
Within the last 10 days, Bill (I Only Rape White Girls) Clinton and Hillary (Do I Look Like Dennis Rodman?) Clinton smoothly switched their votes from anti-gay marriage to pro to bolster Hill’s chances in her 2016 run for the White House.
Like their big brother and big sister in Washington, Mr. Garcetti and Ms. Greuel spoke to Los Angeles voters with the kind of rampant imprecision and inaccuracy that would have gotten them booted if the uninformed electorate had been listening. It was the Clinton philosophy they were imitating.
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If they had run in a small town, they would have been laughed to the sidelines because in many burgs, the good burghers care who is in charge. It is irrelevant to most residents who operates in City Hall.
During the six years Mr. Garcetti was City Council president, to the public, he was $4 less than nothing. He only could have gotten arrested or attracted notice if he had gone pigeon shooting atop City Hall.
With bankruptcy at City Hall close enough to read its license plate, the monotoned Mr. Garcetti bragged to every audience what he had done to get our town to this point.
Not one of those shrewd left-wing journalists at the Los Angeles Titanic was fast enough to grasp the terrible irony of his ignorant example even though he said it every day.
To titters that began to sound like hisses, Wendy Baby claimed that she discovered $160 million in City Hall “waste, fraud and abuse” more times on the campaign trail than Marilyn Monroe said yes in her lifetime.
Third-place finisher Kevin James raised ethical and moral concerns about Wendy Baby’s conduct.
The Titanic, that towering guardian of the public good, yawned at every James accusation. “Come back when you are a registered Democrat,” the punks at the Titanic seriously told Mr. James.
The result is that we have a 50 percent chance of electing a girl with a sullied soul and a thoroughly unexamined professional life.
