Normal people consistently can count the insecurity of their left-wing fans to give birth to a week’s worth of mirth.
The funniest story in town this week was the grotesque defense of food stamps as a legitimate left-wing objective in life as a, clear your throat, professional stamp collector.
Just when you think you have reached the ground floor of liberal puerility, the boys surprise you with a new burst of insecurity.
You recall that last month the alert Newt Ginrgich called Swishy the Food Stamp President because, as America’s youngest welfare king, he has put a record number of “poor” people on food stamps.
“Racist,” howled the smartest black, white and green liberals on television, in the newspapers and on the internet.
“But I have the numbers to prove my claim,” said Mr. Gingrich.
“Oh,” said liberals, incisively.
That brings us to Monday’s essay in the Los Angeles Titanic, cleverly headlined “They’re good for recipients and good for retailers. So what’s the problem?”
Naturally, this straight-faced defense of what last month was racist but this month is fine and dandy, was dreamed up by two burly airheaded girl academics, the luscious Lisa Levenstein of the hallowed University of North Carolina at Greensboro and the other doll baby is Jenny Mittelstadt from even more hallowed or hollowed Rutgers U.
Naturally, they deplored the good health of Republicans throughout their prickly essay. Darned employed, hard-working conservatives.
The girls scramble at their top of their brilliant treatise to show that, nah, they were just spoofing us last month when they said the Food Stamp Prezzie was racist because they thought most recipients were black.
But they did years’ of research to disprove that. Okay, 4 minutes of research.
The girls write: “Food stamp recipients are a diverse bunch, including the elderly, the disabled, one-parent families, two-parent families, low-wage workers, students, soldiers and the unemployed.”
My golly, Murgatroyd. How red-white-and-blue all-American.
The girls’ nifty 4-minute research showed that only 22 percent of food stamp recipients are black. The rest did not speak English, and a guy couldn’t tell.
Gosh, I wish my sons were on food stamps. How beautifully patriotic.
The girls’ lines sounded like something from an old Don Rickles act.
Here is how they closed, and I am not exaggerating:
“Conservatives are trying to smear Barack Obama by dubbing him ‘the food stamp president.’ He should not run from the label but embrace it, positioning himself as a defender of American retailers and a protector of the security and integrity of all U.S. households.”
In the distance this afternoon, I hear the Star-Spangled Banner. Golly, I feel a surge of patriotism in my fulsome bosom that is flooded with liberal compassion for stamp collectors.
