If He Were White, Earl Ofari Would Not Have Lasted

Ari L. NoonanSports

Earl Ofari Hutchinson, who appears to be David Duke turned inside out, has made a decent living through indecency, making outrageous statements and committing outrageous acts.

A 61-year-old professional race-baiter, he makes O.J. Simpson look like a schoolboy when it comes to playing the race card.

A venial, venemous, vengeful man, he is more poisonous for our society than Imus if Imus were on radio three times a day. If he were white, Sharpton would have chased him out of town yesterday.

Mr. Hutchinson has made a clean getaway with his despicable “civil rights leader” circus tactics because he is black.

AARP vs. the Democratic Club? Cough, Cough. Let Us, Cough, Cough, Change the Subject

Ari L. NoonanSports

For those of us bleeding, limping, head-bandaged veterans who have spent our adult lives engaged in marital wars, we can always tell when our adversary is standing on squishy ground. And she knows that we know it.

Desperate to distract because she has run out of logic or volume, she shrewdly shifts the subject to something nonsensical. The shift is so unsubtle even a dead man would notice.

That queasy feeling revisited me at last night’s City Council meeting.

Council members realized — thanks to their good friends in City Hall — they were trapped by logic and reason, which did not prove to be barriers.

But who enjoys confessing a judgment gaffe?

Let’s Play a Little Intimidation Game, Blacks Say to Beverly Hills High

Ari L. NoonanSports

When I saw the picture this morning in the Los Angeles Times of the 3 witless, underemployed black actors joking with the principal of Beverly Hills High School, I recalled the first time I heard of a daylight stickup.

It seemed so incongruous.

How could you brazenly slap a gun to some shnook’s head, out on the sidewalk at high noon, with witnesses milling about?

Wouldn’t you get yourself killed?

What we saw at Beverly High yesterday was a newfangled stickup.

Of Whores and Homes Offering a (Dumpy) View

Ari L. NoonanSports

This is a great time to be a black whore in America and a terrible time to be a black man, issues we shall address shortly…

Until recently, I was in the habit of arising precisely at 4 each weekday morning.

An Hour Without Sunshine

As a courtesy to my left-wing friends, I now have agreed to get up, instead, at 3 a.m.

The extra hour allows me to aid them in their daily pre-dawn search down darkened alleys and unlikely sidestreets for maligned minorities.

Already, after barely a fortnight, our newly conjoined efforts have yielded an obviously crucial victory.

Why No One Attended This Morning’s Funeral

Ari L. NoonanSports

They held a funeral for proportionality this morning, and no one showed up.

My “progressive” colleagues in media would have served as pallbearers.

They, however, were busy shaking down the bushes in their unrelieved hourly searching for victims whom they can tuck into their handy-dandy “minority” profiles for the next “outrage” story.

There are as few grownups among the consumers as there are among the sellers. I don’t hear anyone crying “stop.”

A Night of Theatre That Happily Surprised Us

Ari L. NoonanSports

The reasoning may have been balmy. But the outcome for Diane and me last night was extraordinarily rewarding, and I hope to encourage you to join us in the future.

Going to the movies during Passover is a problem for a Jew. Popcorn, among other desirable grains, is forbidden for these 8 days.

Have you tried watching a film without popcorn?

As a lately serious movie-goer, popcorn-and-motion pictures are as indivisible as global warming and hysteria from voluble leftists.

School District’s Novel Approach — Seriousness from the Top

Ari L. NoonanSports

Before closing our office on Tuesday and Wednesday to celebrate the forepart of Passover, a final impression on last week’s meeting between the School District’s new Superintendent and around 140 Middle School parents.

At her 3-month anniversary, whether by accident or shrewd insight, it can be reflectively reported that the District won the Super lottery when it hired Dr. Myrna Cote.

The Howdy Doody Show days are over.

The Right Choice

As we reported a few weeks ago, you are going to like her. The professionals in the District quickly saw that life was going to change for the better for them, and also for those clinging to their jobs.

For Shame — Last Night Was Boyz’ Night Out on the Bike Path

Ari L. NoonanSports

Seldom is criminal payback executed so swiftly.

Less than 24 hours after one of those dreaded “field deputies” of a certain elected official cavalierly deflected a woman’s question at a community meeting about safety along the Ballona Creek bike path, a jogger was attacked.

At 7:45 last evening, when a gentleman in his mid-30s was jaunting near Sawtelle, he was assaulted by two young thugs, believed to belong to the Culver City Boyz gang.

The victim was dressed lightly, naturally. Having few options, the punks stripped him of his I-pod and some change he was carrying.

How Clever, Sneaky Politicians Make Themselves Disappear

Ari L. NoonanSports

If the Del Rey neighborhood were to be annexed tomorrow by Chicago, City Manager Jerry Fulwood would not have to interrupt his busy schedule to drive downtown to Bankruptcy Court and declare City Hall had instantly gone broke.

So it isn’t full of affluent people?

As happened to me a few times a few years ago when I was wandering in the desert of divorce, Del Rey got stiffed last night.

Railing About a L-o-n-g Speech That Falls and Splatters All Over the Floor

Ari L. NoonanSports

The seedling of trouble was ham-handedly planted at last night’s City Council meeting when an overzealous lady lawyer soared straight through the roof of Council Chambers with spasms of wildly inappropriate prose.

You talk about a bad guest.

I doubt that Mayor Gary Silbiger, entering his final month in office, and Councilman Steve Rose would have argued later in the evening had it not been for the lady lawyer’s Custer-like performance.