A friend called recently to let me know her stepfather had just suffered a heart attack. Eighty-eight years old and fiercely independent, he was hospitalized with a bleeding ulcer, too.

During his five days in the hospital, he had the ulcer cauterized and two stents placed in his arteries. All things considered, he was doing well.

His stepdaughter had called both of his children — in Nebraska and Arizona — and within 24 hours they also were at his bedside.

Unfortunately, the children did not get along with their father. When they had tried to help him before, he rejected them.  It seems their help was selfishly oriented to what would make their lives convenient regardless of their father’s wishes.

Once they tried to have him certified as incompetent. They managed to have his driver’s license taken away. They wanted him to go to a nursing home.

Their plan was to have him neatly packaged and out of the way. That way, they never again would have to think of what to do to help him.

For two years, he was successful in resisting their efforts, living well on his own until his heart attack.

When his children arrived, they again tried to have him certified as incompetent. They wanted him to agree to go into a retirement home in Nebraska. Adamantly, he refused, and a big argument ensued.

Emotional Explosions

Although both children are in their 60s, they angered and in tears. Promptly packing their bags, they told their father to look after himself.

He wanted to return to his own home, and the doctors agreed it would be appropriate. Neither of his children asked him what he wanted. They just wanted him put away. 

And so the burden of post-operative care was left to the stepdaughter who lived 80 miles away and was running her own business.

He was discharged one day when she was visiting, and she made sure he was comfortable before leaving for the night. In the morning when she called, all was well. She had arranged for a housekeeper to come in twice a month. 

His recovery was and is going well.

When caring for the elderly, it is important to remember that it is best for them to return to their own home after a hospital stay. Retirement homes are fine for those who wish to meet more people. But they are expensive. Often they do not provide close one-on-one care.

The care is less expensive, a person is more comfortable in familiar surroundings, and he can maintain a daily routine.

In the poor communication between the elderly gentleman we have been talking about and his family, not once did they ask him his wishes.

Doing Everything Right

When his stepdaughter took him home, she received clear instructions from his doctor as to his medications, diet, doctor’s appointments. She assured  them he would be driven to appointments by someone he knows and his medication would be taken at the proper time.

It is commendable that, thanks to technology, his stepdaughter had a WiFi DSL system installed in the home, allowing her to see her stepfather daily through Skype. She taught him how to use it.  Reluctant at first, when he saw that he could have the privacy he wanted, that he could have conversations with his stepdaughter and that they were able to see each other, he became enthusiastic. 

All it took to care for an elderly relative was kindness, a little time and a technological boost. Plus two willing people to visit and to clean.

If you have any questions please do not hesitate to contact me by telephone, 310.204.3321, or by email at nickpollak@hypnotherapy4you.net. See my website at www.hypnotherapy4you.net