[img]560|left|Nicholas D. Pollak||no_popup[/img]Back in 1991 (way back, come to think of it), I was married to a hardcore drug addict and mother of my two children. I had undergone back surgery just six weeks earlier when I received a call, which required my immediate attention in London.
I flew to England, resolved the situation and had a couple of days left, which I chose to spend with my father. He was fully aware of the difficult circumstances and situations I would be facing on my return to the United States. He was happy to spend father-son time with me, and we discussed my options, what I would do upon my return to the States.
“I don’t want to go back!” I said to him at one point. With a penetrating gaze, he looked at me and said, “Don’t be ridiculous. You’re not going back. You are going forward.”
I was speechless. In one brilliant statement, my father had clarified to me what I wanted to do on returning to the States.
I recognized in this wonderful inference that in going forward I would resolve my issues.
By saying I did not want to go back, I was seeing the way I no longer wanted to be. Unless I changed, I would continue to be that way back in America. In going forward, I would be what I wanted to be. I would be free to gain what I wanted. And that is what I did.
This was not the only humor or wisdom he displayed. I want to spend a moment of your time considering what he said.
“This paunch I have is the only thing about me that is fully bought and paid for.”
“A man is not fully happy unless he gains happiness in two areas, work life and social life.”
“If I do this for you, what will you do for me?”
“I can only hope that when you have children, their behavior is as yours was.” (A few years later when he came to the States to visit his grandchildren, he said, ”My hope has been more than fulfilled.”)
“My cousin left me a carpet factory in 1945 which was owned by the communist government. I bought it back with a carton of cigarettes. Unfortunately, the government took it back three years later.”
“My cousin was given money after we lost the factory, and the bastard didn’t give me any. When he died, he left all his money to a foundation in his name. It would have been better if he had given it to me. I would have been happy to spend it in his name.”
“My whole family loved carpets. Well, we had to walk on something.”
When asked what his aim in life was he said “To make all those I meet happy to know me.”
“You know how it is, the nicest things in life are either immoral or fattening.”
“I always, always find that a movie is never as good as the book. Why? There is nothing more powerful than the human imagination.”
My father taught me to be independent, creative and to follow my aspirations. He encouraged me to think for myself, to travel and see the world, to understand people and their different cultures, to follow what I believed to be right, to get as good of an education as I could afford, to listen to others because many people have useful insights and information, and finally, to think before reacting. He helped me to become a man as well as a father. I am forever in his debt.
He told me to be friends with my brother. “You and your brother are all that will be left of our family, and it is better to like each other than not.”
I spoke with him two days before he died. Of course I told him I loved him, and that I hoped he would recover soon. Unfortunately he did not.
Let me encourage you to do the following. I called both of my parents when they were alive and said to each of them that I loved them. I thanked them for all that they had done for me, and I was sorry for being a difficult kid to raise. I appreciated what they had done for me, and that I would try to be as good a person as I could be by applying the lessons they had taught me.
I was present when my mother died. The one thing I do know is that had I not made that call when I did, that neither of my parents would ever have known the depths of the appreciation and love I have for them, for what they did for me, for what they sacrificed to give me a chance at a constructive, useful life.
If you have any questions please do not hesitate to contact me by telephone, 310.204.3321 or by email at nickpollak@hypnotherapy4you.net. See my website at www.hypnotherapy4you.net