I received a call recently from a lady I had met at Costco when we were in line at the cash register. She wondered if I knew a psychotherapist to help her with an issue with her best friend.

Seems her friend was married but had contracted a sexual disease even though she had not been unfaithful. Upset and depressed, her friend missed work two straight days. When she confronted her husband, he denied an extramarital affair. Both were faithful?  Only they know the truth

I explained I help people in relationships, teaching them how to communicate by understanding each other’s behavior. When you learn to communicate, you also learn how to listen.

Ask Your Partner Same Questions

As for behaviors, how did you learn them? Are they negative? Repetitious? Or are they positive, which creates greater happiness and prosperity. Understand the behavior of your partner. Ask the same questions of him or her. To do this, you must know what kinds of behaviors you are looking at. In all relationships, opposites attract. They also are the reasons for the disagreements.

Take John and Joan. Together more than six months, the honeymoon is over. At first, each was willing to step outside his/her regular behavior patterns to enjoy each other’s company as they became used to going out together, meeting new people, each other’s circles. Now John is pulling back. He does not want to go out as much as he did.

Joan feels rejected.  John does not want to do as much with her as before. She calls him on it, and he charges the opposite: “You never want to stay at home with me and enjoy a quiet evening. Always out meeting with people. You don’t know how to be quiet.”

Consider this: When they met at a party, John was watching what was going on from the sidelines not enjoying being the center of attention. One-on-one conversation was his style. When Joan arrives, the noise level instantly increases 50 percent because Joan is loud, flamboyant, hugging, touching everyone. If he could spend time with her, John thinks, he could pick up on her outgoing personality, making him more aggressive.

Joan sees John as cool and detached. To be involved with him could make her less rowdy, and that, she concludes, would be a good thing.

Duck. Here Comes Change

As they start dating, Joan wants John around all the time. When he is with her, they can have sex at any time. That proves to her they love each other.

John initially appreciates the new intimacy. Soon enough he wants to have sex less often than Joan. For him, sex is a physical and mental release, and when spent, he is done for the next two or three days. Joan’s reaction is the opposite. Sex is the primary way she feels her love for and from John.

At some points, the opposites will clash unless they begin to understand each other’s behavior. It becomes paramount that they understand what each is saying. Do they speak literally or inferentially? Regardless, they must hear what their mate is saying. If they don’t figure how to communicate, a breakup is inevitable.

In marriage, it is important each person is happy within the relationship and his/her career.

Imagine two people walking together, one splits off from the other and then returns.

By following your own career and supporting your spouse’s career, an equality of success, happiness and prosperity is created for each individual and for the couple as a whole. Individual success is reflected within their relationship.

Isn’t that why you married in the first place, to travel through life with someone you love, who loves you who will support and encourage you in everything you do?

My father told me that to be truly happy, one must  work in a job he loves, be married to someone he loves, and have a social life that is active and fun.

Words to treasure.

Do not hesitate to contact me by telephone, 310.204.3321, or by email at nickpollak@hypnotherapy4you.net. See my website at www.hypnotherapy4you.net