I wonder if any American boys and girls genuinely enjoy being gay. They and their mirrors invest so darned much energy in scolding the 320 million non-gay Americans for making them victims that the several million who  genuinely are gay do not have time to savor their peanut butter sandwiches.

This week the heavily unemployed gay kids are channeling their traditionally overwrought emotions on an apocalyptic bill in Arizona. They stamp their shiny shoes and they elevate their heavenly voices into a belching barrage of sausage singing about a bill they prayed Gov. Brewer would sign into law.

That way they would have had freshly laundered reasons to arise every morning next week and mellifluously bellow out their cubbyhole windows, “We are victims. And don’t squeal on us because it’s a pretty comfortable feeling.”

The prospective Arizona law said that business owners may refuse to serve a gay boy or girl on the grounds their homosexuality is religiously offensive. (May I tell you the last time I strode into my favorite bakery and the clerk sneered at me, “You are straight, aren’t you?”)

Let us stipulate the bill that Gov. Brewer, under heavy-breathing pressure from the  gay lobby, vetoed yesterday, is a candidate for the Nuttiest Law of the Decade. (However, with Swishy in the White House, that judgment could change momentarily.)

I long have been suspicious of gays who bathe and writhe in hourly victimology. The victims who supposedly lose their jobs never quite explain how their employer knew they were, shall we say, non-traditional.

I have held 24 different jobs in journalism. Never was there an editor who inquired whether I was gay or straight. I don’t recall squiring attractive young women behind or under my desk. But what if I had?

Could I have sued the offending editor for firing me because I was straight?

Seems to me it would be more socially profitable for gay young men and women to conserve their energies for their lovers. That is, if they are emotionally mature enough to lock lips with their lovers away from an audience, out of view of the 95 percent who are not gay?

Or does that label me homophobic?