Admittedly, the question galls our gizzards. “I don't think they need to be religious to be good, kind and charitable people, and I have no desire to debate or convert them,” wrote Rabbi Marc Gellman for Newsweek (http://www.newsweek.com/id/47164), and that’s fine. “I do think they are wrong about the biggest question, ‘Are we alone?’,” says he. And that’s fine, too. We atheists don’t mind agreeing to disagree. But as with many people of faith, Rabbi Gellman can’t stop there. He can’t stop at singing kumbaya. Oh, no: He has to go on with “I am tempted to believe that behind atheist anger there are oftentimes uncomfortable personal histories. Perhaps their atheism was the result of the tragic death of a loved one, or an angry degrading sermon, or an insensitive eulogy, or an unfeeling castigation of lifestyle choices or perhaps something even worse.” Then he tops it off with “I can humbly ask whether my atheist brothers and sisters really believe that their lives are better, richer and more hopeful by clinging to Camus's existential despair: ‘The purpose of life is that it ends.’”

It’s the junior Siggy Freud routine that is infuriating. Because assuming that atheists reject religion out of personal tragedy or embrace (!) a philosophical position of despair that negates the possibility of happiness is the height of arrogance and condescension. It’s saying that atheists can neither rationally reject religion nor create meaning in their lives on their own – because obviously religion is true – therefore they be must psychologically damaged. So when olive branches come with straitjackets, people of faith shouldn’t be surprised when the answer is: Stop telling us what we think or feel about our lives. Stop trying to interpret our lives for us. We can do it on our own, and we’re perfectly content.

And if there are other reasons to be rather huffy, it comes when people of faith try to influence a government intended to serve everyone irrespective of their religious beliefs (or lack thereof). A recent poll by the Public Policy Institute of California (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081204/ap_on_re_us/gay_marriage_poll), for example, revealed that “People who identified themselves as practicing Christians were highly likely to support the Constitutional amendment, with 85 percent of evangelical Christians, 66 percent of Protestants and 60 percent of Roman Catholics favoring it.” Yet Prop. 8 supporters did everything possible to downplay religion. They talked about fictitious threats to society. They hid behind child welfare despite all scientific evidence in opposition to their claims. What they didn’t do is show the courage to admit that the reason they oppose gay marriage is because homosexuality is, according to their religious precepts, sinful and that gay marriage is against God’s will. It is their religious beliefs, not secular concerns over the social good, that drove them to put Prop. 8 on the ballot. If all the lies and distortions weren’t bad enough, it is the pretense that gives many people – and not just atheists – cause to get upset.

Getting Angry is Human, But…

But I will say this. It’s one thing to get angry. After all, we’re human. We have emotions. It happens to everyone. Certainly people of faith are not necessarily less angry, as shown by exploding heads like Bill O’Reilly ranting about mythical wars on Christmas. This doesn’t mean that anger should be anything more than that, or that it should be so powerful as to hinder courteous discussion and reasoned debate. I don’t think that you need to be atheistic to be good, kind and charitable. However, it isn’t necessary to be religious to lead a good, meaningful life, either. While some prominent atheists are – arguably – heavy-handed in their critiques, even blunt and aggressive at times, it doesn’t have to be that way. Religious folk don’t need to angry and condescending, either.

Which brings me to a book I’m writing with my friend Nick LaRue. We’re both fairly mellow guys. We’d rather see everybody get along than scream (or shoot) at each other. So, we’re putting together a humble little tome that digs deeper into what it means to live without religion — without shouting, sneering, scowling, frowning, squinting or sticking tongues out. A bit of humour, a mellow vibe – we want to take the stereotype of the angry atheist and give it the tickle-me-Elmo treatment.

And we want your help. Of course, we’re asking atheists to share their experiences dealing with all of life’s ups and downs without religion. But we also want to hear from people of faith, especially those who believe in God but don’t feel compelled to attend church regularly. Our blog goodbyegod.blogspot.com has more details, including the questions we’re asking. We hope you’ll join us in trying to transform the nature of public discussions of religion.