[img]1|left|||no_popup[/img]When your children were small, remember how they would occasionally misbehave when you were entertaining people you wanted to impress?
Just in time for Wednesday night’s 7:30 Candidates Forum at the Culver City Democratic Club meeting, the nine contenders for the City Council now have endured a similar lesson.
Based on last night’s rocky performances by the present City Council, the mostly brand- new candidates have been handed a — shall we say loose? — set of guidelines on how to comport themselves on the dais.
Discipline — It’s Just Excess Baggage
Repeatedly, the present Council hammered home the lesson that one hardly needs a drop of discipline to serve on the dais.
When called upon by the mayor, Council members are permitted to speak for as long as they wish, the longer the better.
Further, the subject matter is hardly restricted to topics on the agenda. They can wander down any rhetorical avenue that appeals.
They do not necessarily have to report to meetings after doing their homework.
Rockabye, Councilman
Catching up, in front of the whole community in Council Chambers, is not encouraged, but….
Neither is it discouraged.
If you don’t know the answer to a critical question, no need to discreetly inquire of a colleague.
Just blurt it out. Who knows what might happen?
Don’t worry about looking dumb. There is an excellent chance the next speaker will make the crowd forget your gaffe.
Besides, he will talk for so long he may need to shave, or at least brush his teeth, before finishing.
These Shoes Are Made for Walking
Bring sturdy, comfortable shoes to Council meetings. When Council members are on the dais, they seem to walk around a lot.
You missed dinner? No problem.
Feel free to munch on anything smaller than a watermelon throughout the evening, as if you were on an all-guys or all-girls kickback picnic with imperfect friends from the office.
But try to keep your face dry in anticipation of camera close-ups.
Thirsty? Help yourself at any juncture.
No need to measure or practice moderation with libations. Plenty more where that came from.
Eat Whenever You Are Hungry. Forget Me.
You need not remember how unappetizing it is to watch a presumably sophisticated person on the dais alternately guzzle and chew for 5 1/2 hours at a meeting that he has casually, carelessly extended with windy speeches while you sit in the audience wondering if any dinner will remain when you arrive home after midnight.
You say your spouse kept you out a little late the night before a City Council meeting? Not to worry.
Relax.
Pillows and blankets are scarce. But you can catch 40, 80 or 160 winks every time the agenda grows dry, which can occur anytime between 7 and midnight.
Team Concept May Be Outmoded
If you are elected on April 8, you doubtless will be told that you should start thinking as a team player. As an individual, you can accomplish little unless you co-opt two colleagues for a majority. Think about building coalitions.
Merely sentimental talk. It sounds nice but definitely is not necessary.
The present Council has proven that the longer you speak, the smarter you appear — even if no one else thinks so.
The more diverse your speech, the better informed you will seem.
If you and your colleagues all spurn coalition-building, don’t worry.
Our Motto: Who Cares?
You may not get anything accomplished, but who is maintaining the records? You are.
The electorate, which only listens occasionally, is bound to be impressed by your courageous independence. Sometimes “independence” looks like the fraternal twin of laziness.
Shh, don’t tell anyone.