By Cool Calculation, the Church Makes the Boobs Pay up

[img]9|left||remove link|no_popup[/img]Before curving a shovel into the fertile soil of religion this morning, a passing word to my worthy colleague, the estimable Mr. Sisa, regarding his smartly crafted defense yesterday of the leaky concept of global warming at all costs. With knees of warm marmalade, I embrace the cautious philosophy defined yesterday in the Washington Post by the Danish environmentalist Bjorn Lomborg: “We must accept that climate change is real, and that we have helped cause it. There is no hoax. But neither is there a looming apocalypse.” Do I have to define “apocalypse” for the hysterical, left-wing, mostly anti-religious environmentalists? Consider this, friends: Arms flailing, the disciples of Inevitable Global Warming run through our streets. They cry out that an unborn polar bear may die in 2078 in Little Rock because of global warming. Yet, tomorrow’s weather remains impossible to predict. The weatherman was wrong last Thursday, Friday and Saturday about the weather in my neighborhood. Somebody call the polar bear’s next-of-kin.

The Cost of Being Sinned Against

I see by the newspapers that the same San Diego Catholic priests who winked a few years ago when fellow priests seduced parishioners now are asking the people to ante up and help them pay off the victims of abuse.

What slimy treatment by remarkably arrogant priests. They have taken chutzpah to a new depth.

So What’s a Little Abuse?

The bishop of San Diego and his minions — known as Gods of Greed With a Grin — are asking innocent priests and strikingly gullible parishioners to help them pay off a $198 million settlement to victims of abuse. They have asked ordinary priests, notoriously underpaid the last I heard, to contribute a month’s salary.

This appears to be the brazen church’s Whoopee-for-Profit killer formula:

First, we abuse you. Then we ask you to pay for the abuse from your bank account.

This astounding act of unadorned greed is said to be a first in American “religious” history.

What if this catches on?

Guess Who the Joke Is on

First these thieves masquerading as holy men sanctioned the abuse of the unwashed. Then they punish/rob the abused for falling for their act.

These misguided, wildly dishonest priests — convinced that they are bullet-proof — must have concluded that if loyal parishioners will stand by the church through one of the great scandals in the religious history of the world, they won’t object to a little shakedown.

When the mob pulls this shakedown stunt, dealing from both ends of the financial deck, it is called racketeering.

Don’t Whisper This to the Left

My golly. I hope the left wing doesn’t read about this. Otherwise, we are a cinch to be docked $15 an hour, day and night, by MoveOn.org to breathe all American air that the left wing claims it owns.

Anytime these heavy-breathing San Diego priests want to swap careers, I am sure marketing companies will be interested. The Gods of Greed have proven they can read their audiences. And they are about to show they can touch up the boobs for as much money as they want to take away from them.

Many Are Willing

The Los Angeles Times this morning quoted the director of the Center for the Study of Church Management as saying nearly half of American Catholics (44 percent) are agreeable to helping pay off abuse settlements.

The “scholarly” screwballs who thought up the bogus college courses in feminism and the history of underprivileged ethnics under five feet tall, now have a whole new field to explore and to legitimize.

Give to a Creative Cause

The slickness yesterday of one Oceanside priest, Father Jim Frye, was unnerving. I hope my marketing friends read it. This tactic can double their income by Thursday. The priest did not quite have the gall to say, “We are passing the hat so you can help us send an abusive priest to summer camp.”

Instead of reaching personally into the pocket or purse of everyone in the pews, Father Frye rationalized: “Be kind to others. If you do that, you’ll please Almighty God.”