Having been turned down by his first choice for Secretary of Defense, Mo Morsi, caliph of Egypt, President Obama resorted to such a pathetic shlub that even the Los Angeles Titanic, which swoons over Our Dear Leader, this morning declined to endorse his choice.

Hagel rhymes with bagel, and you know what Jews do to bagels.

Neither the President nor the Defense Sec is comfortable in the company of Jews, whom they privately regard as odious. The two of them consider Israel the way you and I understand Syria. That far, the Titanic enthusiastically concurs with both angry, club-wielding men.

This, Mr. Obama and Mr. Bagel are convinced, is their opportunity to get even on behalf of the Muslim world for what they feel has been decades of slights by Jews, Israel and its Christian and Jewish friends.

It was stunning news this morning that the always-adoring Titanic felt repelled by the President’s nominee. The newspaper has not publicly disagreed with Mr. Obama since he quit smoking pot.

My Muscles Are Bigger Than Yours

As a practicing narcissist, Mr. Obama seldom can resist muscle flexing in front of the mirror that is the American people. He was only slightly offended by Congress’s rejection of Susie Rice, his ludicrous hot-tempered first choice for Secretary of State.

His earth-sized ego would not allow him to sit down like a gentleman after blowing the Rice nomination. By swiftly subbing Sen. John (Ah Love That Young Fella Assad) Kerry, Mr. Obama gained his calculated revenge.

Slipping through the Nebraska Bagel is a juicy bonus, the President’s nah nah nahna-nahna, shiv-in-the-back to the Jews and to the Jewish state that he loathes.

Five-year-olds call it getting even. So does a weak narcissist.